If it feels like you’re experiencing more conflict at work over the last few years, you’re in good company. Our research shows that not only is conflict more frequent, but it’s also getting more challenging to navigate. Today’s examples of workplace conflict can best be described as a complex cocktail of challenges: tired workers in an uncertain economy; a pandemic hangover of isolation and anxiety; rapid social and technological change; and exhausted managers doing the best they can– many of whom lack the training and resources to navigate this well.

4 Examples of Workplace Conflict (And What to Say Next)

This guide is your recipe book, offering you a few Powerful phrases and strategies needed to craft the perfect chaser to the biggest examples of workplace conflict. So, cheers to you as we give you some starter words to navigate these conflict cocktails.

The Conflict Cocktail: The Wedge Driver

The pandemic sped up changes in the workforce. More than ever before, people want meaning in their work. And, work itself is changing fast. The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration results citing continued overwhelm, economic instability, lower levels of motivation, and poor management are symptoms of this upheaval.

Larger organizations have people scattered across seven different time zones. In a world of remote work, many of these people have never met each other in person.

Most managers don’t have formal training on how to deal with such issues (27% of the respondents in our research attribute the increase in conflict to poor management practices).

If you’re in a matrixed organization, it gets more complicated. Lines of responsibility can be fuzzy, and your priorities or incentives might clash with your coworkers’ goals. But you need your coworkers’ help to succeed at your job.

That’s a conflict cocktail.

What to Say Next

(See Chapters 9 and 11 of Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: What to Say When You’re Overwhelmed and What to Say When Expectations Aren’t Clear)

This is one of the trickiest examples of workplace conflict, but there is hope. The antidote to uncertainty is clarity, so start by aligning around a vision of success.

“What would a successful outcome DO for you.” 

You may or may not agree on what success looks like, but when you’re dealing with a remote workforce dealing with lots of change, gaining clarity around expectations can save a lot of time and wasted energy. This powerful question also gives you insights into deeper motives and unspoken expectations.

Andi, if expectations are unclear, or there are differences of opinion about how to handle a situation, you can try this combination of Powerful Phrases.

“It seems that we see this differently.”

Rapid change and new technology can often lead to unclear norms. How do we use AI? And, how do we check the facts? What communication channels are appropriate for what messages? Should cameras always be on in team meetings? What about customer conversations? One-on-ones? 

“Here’s the challenge we face..“

And then describe the consequences if the lack of clarity continues.  For example, “There’s no rule about this, so it’s up to us to figure it out. The challenge we face if we don’t agree on how we …. (use cameras in meetings, include people in radically different time zones on decisions, communicate sensitive information when we can’t look each other in the eye). So it’s up to us to figure it out. The challenge we face if we don’t agree on how we use cameras is that we’ll all feel resentful, disrespected, and exhausted.”

It’s also helpful to empower every member of your team with words to say when they’re feeling overwhelmed. Here are a few of our favorites to deal with such examples of workplace conflict.

“If I had to drop a ball here, which one should that be?”

and simply, “I could use some help.”

The Missed Shot

See chapters 10 (I feel visible or ignored), 23 (boss doesn’t see my genius), and 26 (know it alls) 

The missed shot happens when you combine a fast-moving manager with a thoughtful employee with innovative thoughts they’re keeping to themselves because they don’t want to slow things down or appear negative.

What’s left behind? Potentially revolutionary ideas or vital micro-innovations – unspoken, unexplored, overshadowed by the urgency of immediate tasks.

This ‘missed shot’ phenomenon is not just a communication gap; it’s a significant loss for organizational innovation.

The most transformative ideas often emerge from those who take time to think deeply, analyze thoroughly, and speak after careful consideration. When these ideas are overlooked, you miss out on opportunities for big ideas and smaller micro-innovations that would make work, work better.

What to Say Next

So how do navigate this conflict cocktail?

If you’re a manager, be deliberate in your ask. This is more than an open door.

Ask specific courageous questions such as:

“What’s one thing we’re missing in this process?”

Or…

“What’s your biggest concern about the plan we’ve laid out?”

And if you’re the one with the overlooked ideas, you won’t want to miss chapter 10 (on feeling invisible and ignored) and chapter 23 (doesn’t appreciate you or see your genius).

“I have an idea that will ______ (insert strategic benefit statement here).”

A strong benefit statement in the first sentence is the best way to slow down a well-meaning, fast-moving manager.

“I know you haven’t had much opportunity to see my ability to ______. What if I took on _____ (a special project, a pilot of an idea).”

The Power Trap

Several chapters from Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict work well here (Chapter 13, Matrix Organization; Chapter 18, Micro-Manager, Chapter 20, Boss Won’t Make a Decision,

Has this ever happened to you? You’re on the hook for results, and you want to achieve them. But there’s a catch. You’re not empowered to make the decisions you need to be successful.

Or maybe you work in a matrix environment where every decision requires consensus. Or you’re in a customer-facing role, held accountable for NPS (net promoter score), but your hands are tied to make even small “common sense” choices to delight a customer without placing them on hold to escalate the issue.

Twenty-seven percent of respondents who said they’re experiencing more or significantly more workplace conflict in the last few years said it was due to “poor management practices.” This example of workplace conflict- Accountability without empowerment is certainly one aspect.

So how do you navigate this conflict cocktail?

A few Powerful Phrases can be helpful here… framing your conversations in four dimensions of productive conflict: Connection, Clarity, Curiosity and Commitment.

What to Say Next

 “I’m fully committed to our shared goals (CONNECTION) and am seeking ways to enhance our efficiency. Could we discuss expanding my decision-making authority to streamline our processes” (CLARITY)?”

By starting with a connection to the relationship and the outcomes, you open the door for solutions. And then, you follow up with a specific ask. Be sure to be prepared with specific suggestions.

“Our matrix structure has its strengths, but I believe we can improve our response time (CLARITY). What are your thoughts on creating a fast-track decision path for certain operational decisions” (CURIOSITY)?

With this Powerful Phrase, you’re starting from a positive frame of mind and inviting others to be part of the solution.

The Blown Fuse

This is one of the hottest trending examples of workplace conflicts, tensions between exhausted workers and strung-out customers.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic, many industries have found it more challenging than ever to attract and keep talent. Employees in the education, healthcare, service, and hospitality industries say they’re sick and tired of rude and hostile customers, students, and patients, grueling hours, and impossible demands.

And customers complain about long waits, poor service apathetic staff, and tip creep.

What to Say Next

Your connection G.O.A.T.s (Greatest of all Time) Powerful Phrases and habits are vital in these complex examples of workplace conflict, and you won’t want to miss chapter 32 on dealing with difficult customers. 

First, the connection G.O.A.T.s

“I care about ______ (you, your experience, your concern), and I’m confident we can find a solution we can all work with.”

Acknowledge the challenge, your difference of opinions, and your confidence that you can work through it together.

“Tell me more.”

Nothing builds connection more than being seen, and this Powerful Phrase gets there in just three words.

“It sounds like you’re feeling __________ is that right? (pause for affirmation. And that you for letting me know how you feel. ”

This Powerful Phrase is a tried-and-true relationship-building technique called “reflect to connect.” When you “reflect to connect” you’re not agreeing with what they’ve said or telling them you agree with their emotion. Rather you’re acknowledging how they feel You see them. When you reflect, you create a common starting place for the conversation.

And now a few for dealing with difficult customers.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you. Let’s fix this right now.”

A good start is always “I’m sorry,”  and acknowledging their concern or emotions.

“I know exactly what we need to do next and I’m on it. I’m not letting you go until we get this resolved.”

Building the customer’s confidence in the first forty seconds of the interaction is another great way to calm a concerned customer. This Powerful Phrase infuses confidence into the conversation and reassures the customer that you care.

Becoming a Master Mixologist.

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The best time to talk about team conflict is before you’re in it. And, a good conflict teambuilding exercise makes talking about conflict easy. That’s why we’ve developed these FREE practical and fun workplace conflict team building activities to go with our new book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict.

These easy-to-facilitate exercises make it easy for you and your team to read Powerful Phrases together. And, to discuss how you will handle conflict BEFORE it happens.

First watch this quick, Asking for a Friend video which gives examples of these workplace conflict team building activities in action.

Note: If you’re curious and want to watch the classic Asking for a Friend on uncovering simmering workplace conflict I call back to, you can do that here. 

What You’ll Find in the Conflict and Collaboration Resource Center

• Book Group Discussion Questions
• Training & Teambuilding Activities (including crafting your conflict cocktails, reflective phrases mapping, and G.O.A.T. citings) 
• Role Play Scenarios (Scenarios for How to Say No, Dealing with a Credit Stealer, and Feeling Overwhelmed)
• Book Group Planning Tips and Templates

We’d love to hear from you. Have you tried any of these workplace conflict teambuilders? Let us know how it went. Even better, send us some pics!

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No one needs destructive, anger-fueled conflict at work. It’s corrosive and makes work miserable. But there’s another kind of workplace conflict that’s not only vital for a vibrant culture, but this kind of productive workplace conflict is also  the fuel for innovation, quality of life, and the better workplace today’s teams crave.

Who Wants More Conflict at Work?

In our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey we asked over 5000 people in 45+ countries about their experiences with workplace conflict. 70% of respondents said they’re experiencing the same or more conflict at work than just a few years ago.

But when you look into the 30% who say they have less conflict at work, half of those say the reason they’re experiencing less conflict is that they’ve hit the escape button. They said left a conflict-prone workplace. They told us they’re working from home and avoiding people.

And that might sound good—after all, who wants more conflict at work? Well, the answer is—we should all want…if not more, at least better, conflict at work.

To see why, let’s dive a little deeper into another question. We asked about the consequences of conflict at work. And many of the negative consequences you would expect were top of mind: stress (55%), employees leaving (33%), reduced productivity (30%).

But also on the list of consequences were:

• Improved quality of work (12%)
• Positive policy change (10%)
• More innovation or creativity (8%)

And these are just a few of the reasons you might need more conflict, not less, in your workplace.

4 Benefits of Workplace Conflict

One way to look at workplace is that the question isn’t ultimately about the quantity of conflict, it’s about what kind of conflict you have.

Most of the time, when people think of conflict, they immediately think of intense argument resulting in anger at one another, the silent treatment, or other forms of social violence (like shunning, discrimination, or harassment).

But with the right tools, conflict can also produce a much more pleasant workplace that’s more inclusive and does a better job serving its clients or customers.

Here are just a few benefits of productive workplace conflict:

1. Improved Workplace

Think about the values that guide your workplace. No matter what those values are, the values will conflict with one another at some point. Radical flexibility might come up against serving the customer with excellence. Now what?

These are productive conflict conversations that every high-performing culture will explore. As you have these conversations, you and your team can act more often in alignment with your values. You can change policies that don’t align with your values.

And you’ll have better relationship because trust is built on connection, credibility, reliability, and knowing that you have one another’s best interest at heart. Meaningful conversations that explore different perspectives and approaches improve all of these relationship-building attributes

Here are 12 Powerful Phrases to help your team genuinely connect and increase understanding.

2. More (and more effective) Solutions

When you and your team can safely challenge one another’s assumptions, you open yourself to a much larger and meaningful source of answers to your problems.

Your first solution is almost never as good as it could be with some exploration, revision, and poking holes. Invite the conflict – ask people to challenge your thinking. Show you what you haven’t considered. And create better solutions together.

Here are 12 Powerful Phrases to help your team show up with more curiosity.

3. Smarter Teams

Expectation violations are one of the biggest sources of workplace conflict. Each of us have understandings of the way the world works and we put those assumptions on other people. And of course, they won’t live up to them. How could they? They don’t even know the expectation exists.

Sometimes YOU don’t even know you have the expectation until somebody violates it.

Digging deeper when expectation violations hit will increase clarity. Actively seeking different perspectives helps you view problems from many directions and make more efficient and meaningful choices.

Speaking up with the information that only you have gives others a chance to make smarter, more informed decisions.

All that increased clarity makes everyone smarter.

Here are 12 Powerful Phrases to help your team invest in greater clarity.

4. Better Work

Combine those first three benefits of a better workplace, more solutions, and smarter teams and you can’t help but do better work.

Building trusted relationships, examining how you’re doing your work, and creating freedom to evaluate what doesn’t make sense gives everyone a chance to reduce waste, decrease avoidable employee turnover, and eliminate unintentionally destructive systems that undermine your culture.

Here are 12 Powerful Phrases to help your team create and keep meaningful agreements.

Make Me Smarter

If, despite all these benefits, you still hesitate to approach conflict situations with curiosity, or worry about “losing” to someone else’s perspective,  one way to overcome your hesitation is to focus on getting smarter.

What if you approached every disagreement as an opportunity to become smarter? Instead of looking at your colleague, boss, or team member as an obstacle, what if, instead, you asked them to make you smarter?

You might not say the words aloud (though you certainly could if you have a good relationship) but entering the conversation with the assumption that the other person has something that will make you smarter is a powerful way to sidestep that troublesome insistence on being right.

Your Turn

These are just a few of the benefits of productive workplace conflict.

We’d love to hear from you: What would you add? Have you been part of a conflict that you are grateful for? What made it productive?

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Often, people have unspoken values or expectations, and there isn’t one “right” way to do things. Maybe your manager never clarified an important process. Or the team hasn’t agreed on norms, so you’ve found yourself in a conflict cocktail of vague and unclear expectations and strong points of view.

Here’s an example that many remote and hybrid teams experience: should you have your cameras on during a meeting?

Your coworker, Rachel, may feel like it’s completely unnecessary. It drains her energy. Most of the time, no one asks her opinion anyway, and her surroundings aren’t chic, so why turn on the camera? For her, a camera-off policy is as comfortable as wearing pajamas during a work call – no one knows, but it feels just right.

For Zach, however, the lack of face time is disrespectful and frustrating as he presents his project and seeks feedback. “Cameras should always be on,” he insists, “unless you’ve got to step away or sneeze or something.” He views a camera-on policy like a firm handshake – a sign of respect and engagement.

“No,” interjects your colleague, Pat, “that’s wasteful and unnecessary. We only need to be on camera for clients or for a real discussion.” Pat prefers a pragmatic approach, seeing camera use as a tool, not a rule, like using an umbrella only when it rains.

This is a classic case of unclear expectations creating ‘camera drama,’ where a lack of established norms creates conflict. None of these people is “right” as there is no objectively “right or wrong” answer for cameras. It’s more about preference than policy, like choosing between coffee or tea for your morning boost.

Finding Clarity When Rules Are Fuzzy

In every organization, there will be activity that isn’t covered by a corporate policy. As norms shift, technology changes, and social standards develop, you and your team can resolve these ambiguous norms and unclear expectations with a conversation. If there’s no company policy, it can either become a conflict—or an opportunity to use some Powerful Phrases and build a team agreement, much like deciding on the office’s unofficial dress code.

This is one of those workplace conflicts that takes some investigation and intentional conversation to understand what’s happening. It’s so easy to get caught up in an argument without realizing that it’s really a lack of clarity, like arguing over who finished the milk without checking the fridge first. As you see a conflict building, start with Powerful Phrases that “put the fish on the table,” and help people understand what’s happening.

Note: This article contains 12 vital “clarity habits” for better collaboration.

Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Unclear Norms and Expectations

“It is very simple, but hard to do. Set expectations and follow through.”
-Male, 65, Israel, The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey

“It seems that we see this differently…”

Summarize the situation and call attention to the fact that people have different perspectives. This might feel like stating the obvious, but it helps everyone rise above their position to see the situation more objectively, like taking a step back to see the whole elephant, not just its trunk.

“Here’s the challenge we face…”

Now you describe the consequences if the lack of clarity continues. For example: “There’s no rule about this, so it’s up to us to figure out. The challenge we face if we don’t agree on how we use cameras is that we’ll all feel resentful, disrespected, and exhausted.”

“I know that’s not what we want… I’m confident we can…”

As you describe the negative consequences, you can then call everyone to their best intentions with this Powerful Phrase. It assumes good intent. For example:

“I know we don’t want to exhaust each other. And I know we all want to feel supported, seen, respected, and valued as we do our work. I’m confident we can come up with an agreement that will work for all of us.”

“Let’s decide how to decide.”

At this point in your conversation, the team might realize that it’s someone’s job to make a call. If so, invite them to the discussion or make an appointment to talk with them. Use the same Powerful Phrases from Chapter 12—Navigating Competing Goals to have a conversation with the decision-maker and get clarity.

But, when there’s no assigned decision-maker, it’s helpful to agree first on how the group will decide. Usually, this is going to be a vote or consensus. In a vote, the majority rules. In consensus, everyone can live with a choice, even if it wasn’t their first option. For example:

“Okay, this one’s our call. Is everyone comfortable with a vote? Or do we want to go for consensus?”

(And yes, that’s an example of a quick consensus decision about whether to use a vote or consensus. So meta, right?)

In conclusion, navigating the murky waters of workplace norms and unclear expectations can be like trying to assemble furniture without instructions – frustrating, but not impossible. By using Powerful Phrases, teams can not only build bridges over these gaps of misunderstanding but also strengthen their collaborative spirit. Remember, the goal isn’t to win the argument but to find a solution that works for everyone, like choosing a movie everyone can enjoy on movie night. So next time you’re in a camera-on or camera-off debate, remember, it’s not just about seeing faces; it’s about seeing eye to eye.

Your turn. What’s one powerful phrase you like to use to clarify unclear expectations?

Interested in more Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict? Click on the image below to download FREE sample chapters.

Click here for FREE Sample Chapters

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When you think of talking with people at work who have different political beliefs, your first response might be like that of many people we’ve encountered as we wrote Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: “Yeah, no. I’m just not going there. Better to play it safe than say something wrong.” After all, who wants more political conflict at work?

We get it. In a post-pandemic world where social and traditional media contribute to polarization, workplace conflict that stems from differing politics, worldviews, and values can feel scary and overwhelming.

How did THAT Get Political?

You can hear the tension in the voice of many managers and leaders who call to ask for advice. “We’ve got a presidential election coming up and I’m worried about the polarization and potential political conflict. Do you have any advice?”

It’s easy to understand their concern. Just this past week, we saw a range of seemingly “normal” online conversations turn political (with people explicitly assuming, labeling, and insulting one another’s political affiliation).

What were these juicy conversation topics, you ask?

• Taylor Swift
• Workplace performance reviews
• Cheering on a sports team that’s not your usual team
• Whether hens lay eggs with or without the presence of a rooster (No joke! This truly degenerated into political party name-calling).

Wow.

If an egg-laying conversation can turn into ugly political conflict, what are we to do with more serious subjects that might come up at work like global warming, regulatory change, health and wellness of customers and employees, international wars, human rights, and so much more?

Political Conflict at Work by the Numbers

In our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey of 5,000+ people in 45+ countries surveyed and all 50 US states, 70% of respondents to the survey say that in the last couple years, they’ve experienced the same or more frequent conflict in the workplace.

And of those, 9% cite political conflict as a top contributing factor. 20% cite less tolerance or understanding for others as a top contributing factor of workplace conflict (which speaks to polarization). And there’s more data that suggests the rate of political conflict at work will only increase.

But even (or especially) in these moments, there are practical tools and Powerful Phrases that can help you navigate, communicate, and collaborate.

Turn Down the Heat on Political Conflict at Work

Let’s begin with a few foundational mindsets that will help calm political conflict at work.

Different perspectives aren’t always “toxic.”

“Toxic” is one of those words that have had runaway success on social media because it’s easy to label something as toxic and then ignore or “cancel” the person. (And this behavior isn’t confined to one group or another.) The problem is that when we automatically reject or ignore anyone with a significantly different approach to life, we eliminate any chance that we’ll learn from one another.

Realistically, in any organization, you’re going to have different perspectives. Hopefully, your organization has a set of common values, approach to the work, and how you support your customers and one another. These shared values and approaches give you an important way to work through different worldviews.

That other person is a human being.

Keeping one another’s humanity in mind helps us stay in a place of curiosity and compassion. That person with their incomprehensible position is an imperfect person, possibly worried or scared, and doing the best they can. Just like you.

This mindset helps you stay connected and curious. Think about the pandemic. One person was scared and worried because of the illness. While another person was scared and worried because of curtailed personal freedoms. Both were very human in their fear and worry.

You aren’t there to change their mind.

Your self-evident beliefs are just as self-evidently wrong to someone else. Trying to force someone to abandon their beliefs doesn’t work. Political views are often part of a person’s identity and that doesn’t change quickly.

You probably wouldn’t appreciate it if someone at work spent all day trying to convince you that you’re wrong-headed and mistaken for voting the way you do. And neither do they.

8 Approaches for Dealing with Political Conflict at Work

These are actions, mindsets, and specific powerful phrases you can use before and during the conversation.

1) You don’t have to discuss politics at work.

“I don’t discuss politics and work.”

“I prefer to focus my conversations on our work together and how we’re serving our clients, constituents, or customers.”

These are straightforward statements that stand on their own.

2) Focus on learning.

“My intent for this conversation is… so that…”

If you do choose to engage in conversation that could lead to political conflict at work, you can minimize potential conflict by showing up with curiosity – and stating that from the start. Again, you’re not there to change someone’s mind.

Focus on asking genuine questions that help you understand how they came to their conclusions. You might even find something you share – a commitment to your children, for example.

For example, “My intent for our conversation is to learn more about where you’re coming from with your support for those regulations so that I can understand why they’re important.”

When you start a conversation with your honest intent, it opens a door. The other person can choose whether they want to walk through that door and get the available benefit. That honest intent also makes it clear from the beginning that you’re not trying to change their mind or take away a closely held value.

3) Show up with confidence and humility.

“I’ve noticed that we have different perspectives . . . and would love to learn more.”

This one “lands in the and”: confidently observing the differences with the humility to adopt a posture of learning. Approaching different world views with curiosity lessens the “fight or flight” reflexes people experience when confronted with something strange. When you ask to learn more, you don’t promise to change your mind. Rather, you are seeing them and giving yourself a chance for deeper appreciation.  “Tell me more,” is one of our G.O.A.T. Powerful Phrases in our new book.

4) Don’t assume.

“Have you asked?”

In our podcast interview of Dr. Ella Washington, author of The Necessary Journey, she shared a wonderful story about questioning one’s assumptions.

We all have bias and stereotypes. We all make assumptions. But what if we take these micro-moments every single day and question some of our own assumptions?

Fawn Weaver, the founder and CEO of Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey, shared one of her favorite examples with me. Her husband’s family moved to Nashville from California and their next-door neighbor was a white man. He had a big truck, long beard, and tattoos. Her mother-in-law told Weaver that the man seemed like somebody who didn’t like Black people. Weaver was curious and said, “Have you asked him?”

She went next door and talked to the guy. He was very open, friendly, and was listening to some of her favorite R&B songs. That’s so inspiring.

Question the things that we’ve always thought to be true and take a chance. Have that conversation. Befriend that person and reach out. That’s where the magic happens.

5) Keep political conversations off message threads.

“Chat and message threads are best suited to low-bandwidth conversations where there are quick transactions and not much emotion. Let’s keep the important topics and decisions in our voice-to-voice or face-to-face conversations.”

Comments and chats are horrible ways to engage in political conversations. (For proof, look at almost any comment thread on the internet – including those conversations about chickens and eggs.)

6) Share your perspective.

“So, what you’re saying is . . . Do I have that right? That’s interesting. And I see it differently.”

As you listen and learn where another person comes from, first check for understanding. For example, “I hear you saying you’re concerned about your children’s future and growing up in a world where they can’t go outside without getting sick. Do I have that right?”

Then you can share your perspective—not intending to change their mind, but to contribute equally, and confidently, to the conversation.

For example, “I see what you’re saying. I’m worried about my kids’ future too. My concern is that we won’t have any work available for them because it’s gone to other countries that don’t have the same values we do.”

7) Stand up to political bullies.

“We have a variety of beliefs and need different perspectives to do our best work.”

We define political bullies as people who loudly proclaim their beliefs and belittle anyone who doesn’t agree with them. This is the person who brashly proclaims, “[Candidate] is an idiot and anyone who votes for them should have their head examined.” (A direct quote from a leader in one of our prior workplaces.)

This kind of proclamation, especially from people in leadership roles, shuts down dialog, and damages trust and psychological safety. If you have a relationship with the person who made the statement, you can address it directly.

For example, “Listen, I know it might not be your intent, but saying things like that shuts down the innovation, creativity, and exchange of ideas we need. We need a variety of perspectives to do our best work and make good decisions. Saying anyone who disagrees with you should “have their head examined” does the exact opposite. And, frankly, it’s arrogant and rude.”

If you don’t have the relationship to say that, talk with your human resources professional.

8) Acknowledge differences and commit to your work together.

“I don’t expect either of us to change our mind about… Can we agree to…?”

When you experience political conflict at work, you may need to create a shared agreement to help you move past the differences and focus on your work. Start by acknowledging that you both have strongly held perspectives, and it’s not about changing those. Then move to an agreement about how you’ll work together. Respecting one another’s right to hold the values you do and then work together toward a shared purpose is a powerful recipe for workplace collaboration. And you may even influence one another’s perspectives—at least a little.

Your Turn

One of the most challenging parts of being human is that our beliefs seem so “right” to us. Everything makes sense. And it feels frustrating when other people can be so (dumb, stubborn, naïve) to see it differently.

The funny thing is that when you feel that way, the other person usually does, too.

But when you can approach these differences with connection and curiosity – the awareness that there’s always more out there to know – you create the possibility of true collaboration.

See Also: Beyond the Drama: How to De-escalate and Emotional Conversation at Work.

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one of your favorite phrases to have productive conversations at work–especially the ones that could lead to political conflict?

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Ever found yourself cackling at the monstrous to-do list glaring back at you, thinking “Right, that’s not happening,” only to gulp back a sob as you realize none of it’s optional? You’re overloaded at work. Stuck in a world where productivity meets panic and trying to be a ‘team player’ feels like a conspiracy against your sanity.

Clear communication and unbridled curiosity are the name of the game when you’re overloaded at work. You want clarity about what’s most important and why. And curiosity about how to approach your work differently.

The Strategic Sort: Deciphering What Matters Most

Picture this: Your boss slides over a scroll of 27 KPIs and you’re playing a corporate game of ‘Which Metric is Least Tragic?’. Identifying the expendable can be surprisingly quick once you start that dialogue. Embrace the wisdom of knowing what ‘winning’ looks like. With the finish line in sight, you can innovate without fear, tossing out time-saving hacks like confetti.

A few powerful phrases that can help.

“What’s most important?”

Focus is the antidote to overwhelm. Be sure you know the MITs (most important things) you need to accomplish at a strategic and tactical level.

“Paint me a picture of the victory lap.”

One way to get curious about alternative, time-saving approaches is to be sure you have a shared understanding of success. With success clearly defined, you can feel more empowered to share ideas for new ways of doing things.

The Help-Seeker’s Script: How to Holler for a Helping Hand

And, here are a few powerful phrases to help get past that feeling of overload by asking for help.

“Will you lend a hand?”

It’s a simple and criminally underused phrase when you’re overloaded at work. If you’re up to your neck in it, asking for help isn’t a white flag; it’s a strategy.

“I have an idea.”

Constraints are the gateway to creativity. If you’re feeling overwhelmed at work, look for new ways of working, share your ideas, and ask for support to make it happen.

“Here’s what I need.”

When your boss asks what they can do to help, have an answer.

For Managers: Powerful Phrases for Supporting Your Overwhelmed or Overloaded Team

First, if you’re a manager, here are a few frequently uttered unhelpful phrases. Please don’t say these things:

“We just have to do more with less.”

“The boss says . . .”

“We’re just lucky we have jobs.”

Those phrases don’t empower people or lead to productive solutions. And the worst thing you can hear when you’re overwhelmed is the equivalent of “Suck it up, buttercup.” As a manager, you want to do what you can to prevent the snowball of overwhelm from picking up speed as it rolls downhill. Your team needs options before the overwhelm leads to burnout.

Say This Instead

If you’re a manager, the previous phrases will work well to get the support you need from your boss. Here are a few bonus phrases you can use with your team.

“This is not okay. That can wait.”

We can’t tell you how many times employees have come to us feeling overloaded at work, and when we encourage them to talk to their boss, the hours the employee works or the level of effort they give to a project shock their boss.

“I don’t want you working all weekend.” “It’s not okay that you missed your child’s dance recital.” Sometimes, high-performing employees need their manager to tell them when to stop working. “Oh, you don’t need eighteen pivot tables, just some back-of-napkin math will do.”

“Let’s figure out a different way to do this.”

It’s easy for your team to get stuck in old ways of doing things, particularly if they think that’s what you want. In our research for Courageous Cultures, 67 percent of respondents said their manager operates around the notion of “this is the way we’ve always done it.”

Teach your team to be curious and to look for alternative solutions.

“I really appreciate you and all you are doing.”

Feeling overwhelmed is discouraging. Feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated is demoralizing. When your team is under stress, particularly if some knucklehead told them to “do more with less,” you can’t say “thank you” and “I see you” too much.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, start with better clarity of what matters most and why, and get curious about alternative ways of working.

More Useful Articles to Help When You’re Overloaded at Work

Help for the Overwhelmed Working Manager (podcast)

How to Get the Support You Need When Your Boss is Overwhelmed

How to Say No at Work: Powerful Phrases to Stand Your Ground.

“Your must-have roadmap for courageous conversations at work. Karin and David give you the tools, techniques, and inspiration to turn stress and frustration into career-defining moments of leadership and innovation.”  –Dorie Clark, executive education faculty at Columbia Business School and WSJ bestselling author of The Long Game.

The post Overloaded at Work: How to Ask For the Support You Need appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

The workforce has been through unprecedented change, navigating workplace conflict in the last few years—for better and worse. Stress, disengagement, quiet quitting, and mass resignations… Has all the rapid change led to more workplace conflict? Is conflict wearing us all down? At what cost?

Click here to listen to an excerpt of our interview on Brainwaves Anthology where we discuss the research findings.

A Glimpse into the World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey Results

We surveyed 5000+ full-time workers in over 45 countries and in all 50 United States. It turns out navigating workplace conflict is becoming more of an issue everywhere you go.

70% of participants report the same or more conflict over the last few years.

Why?

Tired Workers in a Tired Economy

Of course, the reasons are complex. The pandemic-inspired shift to remote work and hybrid teams left many people longing for deeper human connection. Many organizations are still wrestling with the new reality of remote and hybrid workforces.

Managers are relearning how to lead and support their teams. Teams are figuring out how to build meaningful relationships and get work done. These rapid changes and missing human connections fuel conflict.

As mask mandates, stay-at-home orders, and online-only schooling fade into the rearview mirror, it’s easy to forget the pandemic’s disruption in nearly every aspect of life. But the COVID-19 pandemic traumatized many people and left scars.

The social isolation bruised our psyches. “Choosing our bubble” of people created “us” and “them” dynamics that politics and social media made worse. For many, the pandemic’s hypervigilance, anxiety, and stress created lasting mental health challenges.

For others, the resentment of mandates and loss of personal freedoms created another kind of fear and anxiety.

Take the increase in anxiety, stress, and depression, mix in the loss of human relationships, and you get more workplace conflict. And it’s more intense.

The Escape Hatch…

You know what’s also interesting?

Of the 30% who reported less conflict, nearly half of those say it’s because they (or the people they were in conflict with) changed jobs, or they’re working remotely.

That’s not necessarily a sign we’re getting better at conflict, just escaping it—and potentially losing out on the innovation and problem-solving that comes from learning to do conflict well.

What advice would you give yourself if faced with this situation again?

Imagine the last time you found yourself navigating destructive workplace conflict. What advice would you give your former self if you faced this workplace conflict again?

The most common theme in our research?

Stay Calm. 55% of participants advised: “Be patient/stay calm.” Closely followed by advice related to speaking up, talking about it, and addressing the problem head-on.

“Be the bigger person. Talk about it.” — Nonbinary, 37, South Africa

The good news is these skills can be taught, nurtured, and celebrated in organizations. No matter what kind of workplace conflict you face, four dimensions make it more productive and less destructive: Connection, clarity, curiosity, and commitment.

Learn More About our Workplace Conflict Research and Navigating Workplace Conflict

You can learn more about our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Research by downloading our FREE summary here.

Powerful Phrases For Dealing With Workplace Conflict

You can’t avoid conflict.

When there are problems to solve and people who care (and there are so many things to care about), you’ll face conflict. And if you want to have more success, influence, and joy in your work, you’ve got to navigate it well. But conflict is hard. You weren’t born knowing the perfect words to say when you’re angry, dealing with a jerk, or when someone calls your game-changing idea “stupid.”

You probably didn’t learn practical, productive approaches to conflict in school. And, if you’re like most of us, you grew up watching role models sometimes really screw it up. You’ve had some conflicts that did not go well for you, and you don’t like how that feels. We hate that feeling, too.

That’s the reason for Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: What to Say Next to Destress the Workday, Build Collaboration, and Calm Difficult Customers. To give you practical communication techniques to successfully navigate conflict at work.

You’ll get proven practical communication approaches for interpersonal challenges like dealing with a credit stealer, passive-aggressive co-worker, workplace gossip, or micro-managing boss, and dealing with more systemic workplace conflicts like working in a matrix organization or remote and hybrid team.

The post Navigating Workplace Conflict: Why it’s So Tricky Now and What To Do About It appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Think about any significant conflict you’ve been a part of. We’ll bet that somewhere along the line, clear communication was compromised, and “magical thinking” crept in.

It happens all the time.

You assume they should know what’s expected because ________ fill in the blank here (e.g. after all, they’re a grown-up, have a certification, have been doing this work for a decade, get paid the big bucks, or weren’t raised in a barn).

For example, you thought they’d clean up their coffee mugs after the meeting. They thought the magic coffee mug fairy would take care of it. Clear communication can be tricky, particularly when you don’t think you should have to talk about something. After all, shouldn’t they just “know?”

We all carry around expectations of one another. And sometimes, you don’t even know you have an expectation until someone doesn’t live up to it. One of the common mistakes we see people make in workplace conflict is that they don’t clearly understand what success looks like.

When Clear Communication Breaks Down

When clear communication is lacking, you get conversations like this:

Jack: “I don’t like this.”

Jill: “Okay, what would you like to see happen?”

Jack: “I don’t know. I’m not sure what I want.”

Can you feel the frustration?

That’s a conversation that can’t go anywhere because communication is unclear. When you get clear for yourself and help other people find their clarity, you can have a more productive conflict conversation.

Start by getting clear about what a successful outcome looks like for you.

In our recent article, Let’s Talk About It: How to Have the Conversation You’d Rather Avoid, we offer 5 grounding questions to ask yourself to prepare for a difficult conversation.

The first of these questions is vital when you’re looking for greater clarity in your communication: “What do I want to happen because of what I say?”  And then use the powerful phrases below to get curious about what’s happening from others’ point of view.

3 Powerful Phrases That Lead to Better, Clear Communication During Workplace Conflict

Some of the most powerful phrases you can use in any conflict are those that lead to greater shared understanding and encourage clear communication.

1. What would a successful outcome do for you?

You may or may not agree on what success looks like, but clear communication around expectations can save a lot of time and wasted energy. Maybe you envision a perfectly organized file cabinet, while they’re just hoping it doesn’t bite back when opened. Either way, aligning your objectives is a step toward resolution.

If it turns out you both want the same thing, you can shift to a “how can we” conversation. “Great, it sounds like we both want something similar. So how can we make that happen?”

At the very least, this powerful question gives you insights into what the other person needs, and then of course, opens the door for you to share your definition of success as well.

2. Let’s start with what we agree on.

When you’re in the middle of a workplace conflict, it’s easy to overlook the common ground. It’s likely you share some common perspective to build on. Taking a few minutes to know what you agree on can help reduce stress and create a more collaborative tone for the work ahead.

Perhaps it’s as basic as “coffee is life” or “Tuesdays are weirdly exhausting.” Whatever it is, finding a shared perspective can serve as a launchpad. Not only does it calm the stormy seas of disagreement, but it also helps remind you both that you’re on the same team working toward something important.

3. What I’m hearing you say is __________. Am I interpreting that correctly?

If you’ve been in one of our leadership programs, or are familiar with our 6 leadership competencies you can’t lead without, you’ll recognize this as a check for understanding. You show that you’re actively listening, interested in, and truly understand the other person’s point of view.

This technique ensures you’ve caught the crux of their concerns and not just the part where they mentioned the one thing you agree with.

This powerful phrase is gold when working through workplace conflict because it also helps clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings.

Being clear about successful outcomes can save a lot of wasted time and energy and focus your conversation on what matters most.

Your Turn

We would love to hear from you. What’s your best approach to ensure clear communication and align expectations for more productive conflict conversations?

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