You’re right. You deserve high-quality, carefully considered feedback in your performance review. Your manager should take this seriously and do it right.

But often they don’t. It’s statistically likely that you (or a friend) will be blindsided by the performance feedback you receive. Let’s get ahead of it this year with some Powerful Phrases to ask for, and engage In a more meaningful conversation.

Powerful Phrases to Deal with Lazy, Vague, Frustrating Feedback

A few years ago, I wrote “Avoid These Infuriating Phrases in End-of-Year Feedback” to encourage managers to stop making stupid comments when giving a performance review.

This heartfelt post came from years of listening to high-performing employees vent their frustrations about frustrating phrases their managers said. If you’re a manager who struggles with performance reviews, please start there.

How to Respond to the Most Infuriating Kind of Performance Review

For the rest of you (or your friends), let’s prepare for that frustrating feedback this year and prepare you with some Powerful Phrases for when the conversation goes sideways.

1. “I don’t have much end-of-year feedback for you. You know you’re doing great.”

I hate this one as much as you do. If you’re hearing this, you probably are doing great, but it doesn’t give you much to build on or improve.

Some options to start your empowered response:

• “Wow, thanks so much! I appreciate your support. This year, I feel particularly proud about __________ (insert that accomplishment you expected them to bring up). I’m curious about your perspective on that _______(project, strategy, accomplishment). Why did that work from your perspective? What made that work so well, and how might I bring more of that into my work?”
• “Thank you! You know, one area I’m really working to improve on is _________. What is one suggestion you have for how I can be more effective in that arena?”
• “Thank you! I’m curious about what specifically you appreciate about what I’m doing here. I’m very focused on ensuring next year is even better, and I’d love your help in knowing what I should continue doing and ideas to help me really differentiate my performance next year.”

2. “I rated you as meets expectations for your end-of-year feedback. Your performance really was an “exceeds” but I had to make the math work out.” Or, even worse, “I could only have one person in that category.”

Okay, you have a serious right to be ticked off here. I’ve been there, on both sides of this awkward conversation.

And it’s probably too late to change the math or the rating. I know this because as a Verizon executive I’ve fought this battle many times for the high-performers on my team, and the answer was “pick one.”

Your manager may be as (or even more) frustrated than you.

In my article on infuriating phrases, my advice to your manager is to stay focused on results and behaviors, rather than the rating. And, to be clear about the criteria that they used to calibrate performance and where you met and exceeded those criteria and opportunities to improve in the future. To stay away from comparisons to other employees, or blaming other people for the rating they received.

And now, some options to start your empowered response: 

• “Oh, wow. That must have put you in a difficult situation. And, I’ve got to tell you, that makes me feel really ___________(insert emotion here, but try not to scream or cry).”
• “I’ve worked incredibly hard this year and I really don’t want to be having a similar conversation this time next year. Can we outline what I need to do for next year to make ‘exceeds’ (or whatever your rating equivalent is) the obvious rating? I’d love to build a plan to ensure I have the success I’m looking for.”
• “I really appreciate your support. And I’ve got to tell you I’m pretty frustrated. This affects my compensation too (if that’s true). I’d really like to talk to HR to express my concerns about this.”

3. “I know we haven’t talked about this before, but _____”

This one’s tricky because your manager certainly shouldn’t blindside you this way in your performance review. There are a few angles you might choose to take. If they’ve put something in writing that’s coming out of the blue, you might request to have that removed, requesting a fair chance to address it before it turns up in the documentation.

And, here are some empowering phrases that might be useful.

• “I appreciate your feedback and your desire to help me improve. I’m wondering what we could do to set up a more regular cadence of feedback throughout the year, so there are no surprises next time.”
• “I’m a bit surprised by this feedback and would like to take some time to digest it. Let’s set up a follow-up in a week to talk a bit more.”
• “Since this is the first time I’ve heard this feedback, can you please give me some time to address this before you put it in the formal review? Here’s my approach to improving in this area.”

4.”I don’t really have any specific examples, but it’s become a real issue.”

If you hear this in your performance review, and you can’t think of any examples either, I’d recommend you push for some examples.

• “I’m deeply committed to improving my performance in this arena. And, it’s really hard to understand what needs to change without some concrete examples.”
• “I really would like to understand this more. I’m struggling to come up with examples too.”
• “Can you please tell me more? I’d really like to get a better understanding of your concern here.”

5. “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from other people about your performance in this arena. Who? I’m not at liberty to say.

As with most of these awkward performance review phrases, I would start with a gut check. If your manager is raising an issue and it feels true to you, then your best bet is to own it and work on it.

However, if this third-party performance review feedback feels unfair, then I would press for more information.

• “Hmmm. That’s tricky. I don’t see it that way. It would be really helpful for me to talk directly with those concerned. Can you please ask them to come to me with their concerns so I have a chance to talk with them directly about it?”
• “Have you noticed this issue yourself? Does this seem like something that’s consistent with what you’ve observed?”
• “I’d like a chance to better understand this issue. Who do you suggest I talk with to learn more?”

6. “Just write up your accomplishments and I’ll sign it.”

It’s a great idea to submit your accomplishments. After all, you’re closer to the work you’ve done and the impact you’ve made.

Say yes, and then…

• “I’d be delighted to write up my accomplishments (see How to help your boss give you a better performance review for tips on how to do that well).”
• “I would also really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my performance this year. When would be a good time for us to talk through my performance review?”
• “Here you go (hand them your accomplishments). I’m also really interested in your feedback on how I can make next year my best year ever. I got this great development discussion planner from Let’s Grow Leaders. I’d love to schedule some time to go through that.”

While lazy, vague, and frustrating feedback can feel super irritating, it also gives you a chance to take responsibility for your career development. Ask for what you need and giveyour manager the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Sometimes their insights will surprise, and help you make that next step.

Related Articles

12 Powerful Phrases For Navigating Challenging Workplace Conflict

How to Help Your Team’s Performance Stand Out for Better Recognition

The post Performance Review: How to respond to frustrating or lazy performance feedback appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

“Courage is every virtue at its testing point” -C.S.Lewis

In this week’s, Asking for a Friend, Karin speaks with Jim Detert, author of Choosing Courage, about what it means, and what it takes, to be a bit more courageous at work.

The Nature of Workplace Courage

1:24 Jim shares about his book and how it’s important not to only know and have the tools for effective leadership, but how at work to use them. And we talk about how challenging “speaking truth to power” (i.e. the boss) can be.

3:40 It’s important to separate courage from courageous actions. We ALL can identify with actions that we or someone else demonstrated toward a worthy or noble cause that carried some risk.

4:27 Courage at work involves risky but worthy actions.

4:39 We’ve allowed ourselves to believe that courage is just a property some people have, but that’s not true.

5:09 Why should courage at work be any different from any other virtue expected on a regular basis (i.e. kindness)?

5:30 Jim shares about a study done with some of his students about people they admire for short and long term. In the long term, courage tends to stand out as the most admirable.

6:30 The myth of the “magical time down the road” when things get less risky.

7:57 Many organizations “talk the talk” about courage, but the sense is that the “yes people” are the ones who actually get promoted.

8:45 Is courage worth it?

9:04 It’s not for one person to decide for another whether courage is worth it. The person needs to ask, “Do I care enough?” and “How important is it to me to be true to myself and authentic relative to potential consequences?” Also, think about longer-term horizons. People tend to look back and talk about positive, courageous things they did or regrets what they didn’t do.

How to Be Competently Courageous

12:09 Some very specific elements of courage.

12:24 Speaking truth to power – some do’s and don’ts. We should choose competent courage – courage that is also skillful.

13:26 It is not just “in the moment.” We also do many things prior to and after that moment that will contribute to that moment of courage.

14:00 Showing up with both warmth and competence

16:05 Develop self-awareness so that we know what may detract from our warmth and competence (i.e. facial expressions)

17:50 Appear to be on both sides, or no side at all, to reduce the feeling of win/lose.

20:44 What’s a good way to not be a yes person and be able to advance your career when the leadership appears to not value that sort of courage? You may have to decide if this workplace is even right for you. Do you want to advance in a toxic organization?

Also, be sure to reframe your points because your boss may be thinking about threats the company is facing more than opportunities you want to see. Pay attention to what is concerning to them. The content can be the same but the framing may need to be different.

23:47 Have a “bags packed” attitude so your career security doesn’t depend on the money or identity you receive from one organization. Think honestly about the notion of loyalty. Sometimes courage at work means being ready to leave.

27:22 What advice do you have for people wanting to change jobs or careers? Get clear on your values and ask yourself what kind of organization, and what kind of boss do you want to work for? Interview the company, don’t just be interviewed. Pick up on signals that may indicate it’s not the place for you. Get things in writing.

30:10 We cannot be someone in 30 seconds what we have not been in the last 10 years…

30:49 One last piece of advice – you are not going to be ready for the big moments if you don’t put in the work every day. Build a courage ladder.

Your turn. What’s been your most courageous act at work? What helped you to muster the courage?

The post Courage at Work: How to Be More Courageous (and Why it Matters) Video appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.