Comments on: Intimidating Questions: How Bad Questions Shut People Down

By: Karin Hurt

Karin Hurt — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 16:45:20 +0000

In reply to Lex. Lex, Thanks so much for expanding the conversation and taking the time to comment. Agreed, ego does often get in the way of effective communication during intense situations.

By: Lex

Lex — Thu, 24 Oct 2019 16:41:23 +0000

I find it frustrating that ego gets in the way of communicating in intense situations of hurt but I suppose your website is correct- effective communication needs creative questions that empower the other person. What I learned: empowering those that hurt you is very difficult. Compassion can never be forced: so say your words once and move on. Accountability can not be forced either. Creative questions like the one you suggest can save a lot of time from consequences of making someone feel “intimidated”.

By: letsgrowleaders

letsgrowleaders — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:40:52 +0000

Thanks for joining the conversation. You provide some great examples here.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Oct 2012 13:09:13 +0000

I like this post and I agree many questions can be disengaging. In particular – leading questions like: “Don’t you agree that…” or “Isn’t it obvious that…” followed by an opinion or an assumed obvious response mostly make me want to exit a conversation.

By: letsgrowleaders

letsgrowleaders — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:29:05 +0000

In reply to Steve Borek.

awesome… thanks for adding that. “who would you like to show up as…” I am going to use that one for sure.

By: Steve Borek

Steve Borek — Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:25:57 +0000

Questions that shut people down are leading ones and closed ended ones. Your disengaged questions can easily be turned around so they’re engaging. For example, “What do I have to do to get you to” can be modified to say “Who would you like to show up as so you feel great about this project?”

By: letsgrowleaders

letsgrowleaders — Wed, 03 Oct 2012 11:29:13 +0000

In reply to Marcus. Marcus, thanks so much for joining the conversation. Absolutely. What and how we ask is also a statement. Namaste.

By: Marcus

Marcus — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 16:51:56 +0000

Great post. This makes me think of how I ask questions to my 7 year old. The questions communicate a message- not just a query.

By: letsgrowleaders

letsgrowleaders — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 11:28:20 +0000

In reply to Bill Gessert. Bill, thanks so much for sharing your story. I really appreciate you joining the conversation. I like what you add about it helping the team to "own the results." Exactly.

By: Bill Gessert

Bill Gessert — Tue, 02 Oct 2012 11:17:33 +0000

Great post and so very true. I struggled with this during my first tenure as a team leader, asking ALL the wrong questions. As a result, not only did I shut down my team, I completely lost their trust and willingness to perform. It was was a tough and costly lesson, but I did learn from it.

Moving forward as a leader, I began using questions that opened people up and showed that I valued their thoughts and input. Needless to say that approach was far more effective as my team really became invested in everything we were doing and owned the results.