You’re right. You deserve high-quality, carefully considered feedback in your performance review. Your manager should take this seriously and do it right.

But often they don’t. It’s statistically likely that you (or a friend) will be blindsided by the performance feedback you receive. Let’s get ahead of it this year with some Powerful Phrases to ask for, and engage In a more meaningful conversation.

Powerful Phrases to Deal with Lazy, Vague, Frustrating Feedback

A few years ago, I wrote “Avoid These Infuriating Phrases in End-of-Year Feedback” to encourage managers to stop making stupid comments when giving a performance review.

This heartfelt post came from years of listening to high-performing employees vent their frustrations about frustrating phrases their managers said. If you’re a manager who struggles with performance reviews, please start there.

How to Respond to the Most Infuriating Kind of Performance Review

For the rest of you (or your friends), let’s prepare for that frustrating feedback this year and prepare you with some Powerful Phrases for when the conversation goes sideways.

1. “I don’t have much end-of-year feedback for you. You know you’re doing great.”

I hate this one as much as you do. If you’re hearing this, you probably are doing great, but it doesn’t give you much to build on or improve.

Some options to start your empowered response:

• “Wow, thanks so much! I appreciate your support. This year, I feel particularly proud about __________ (insert that accomplishment you expected them to bring up). I’m curious about your perspective on that _______(project, strategy, accomplishment). Why did that work from your perspective? What made that work so well, and how might I bring more of that into my work?”
• “Thank you! You know, one area I’m really working to improve on is _________. What is one suggestion you have for how I can be more effective in that arena?”
• “Thank you! I’m curious about what specifically you appreciate about what I’m doing here. I’m very focused on ensuring next year is even better, and I’d love your help in knowing what I should continue doing and ideas to help me really differentiate my performance next year.”

2. “I rated you as meets expectations for your end-of-year feedback. Your performance really was an “exceeds” but I had to make the math work out.” Or, even worse, “I could only have one person in that category.”

Okay, you have a serious right to be ticked off here. I’ve been there, on both sides of this awkward conversation.

And it’s probably too late to change the math or the rating. I know this because as a Verizon executive I’ve fought this battle many times for the high-performers on my team, and the answer was “pick one.”

Your manager may be as (or even more) frustrated than you.

In my article on infuriating phrases, my advice to your manager is to stay focused on results and behaviors, rather than the rating. And, to be clear about the criteria that they used to calibrate performance and where you met and exceeded those criteria and opportunities to improve in the future. To stay away from comparisons to other employees, or blaming other people for the rating they received.

And now, some options to start your empowered response: 

• “Oh, wow. That must have put you in a difficult situation. And, I’ve got to tell you, that makes me feel really ___________(insert emotion here, but try not to scream or cry).”
• “I’ve worked incredibly hard this year and I really don’t want to be having a similar conversation this time next year. Can we outline what I need to do for next year to make ‘exceeds’ (or whatever your rating equivalent is) the obvious rating? I’d love to build a plan to ensure I have the success I’m looking for.”
• “I really appreciate your support. And I’ve got to tell you I’m pretty frustrated. This affects my compensation too (if that’s true). I’d really like to talk to HR to express my concerns about this.”

3. “I know we haven’t talked about this before, but _____”

This one’s tricky because your manager certainly shouldn’t blindside you this way in your performance review. There are a few angles you might choose to take. If they’ve put something in writing that’s coming out of the blue, you might request to have that removed, requesting a fair chance to address it before it turns up in the documentation.

And, here are some empowering phrases that might be useful.

• “I appreciate your feedback and your desire to help me improve. I’m wondering what we could do to set up a more regular cadence of feedback throughout the year, so there are no surprises next time.”
• “I’m a bit surprised by this feedback and would like to take some time to digest it. Let’s set up a follow-up in a week to talk a bit more.”
• “Since this is the first time I’ve heard this feedback, can you please give me some time to address this before you put it in the formal review? Here’s my approach to improving in this area.”

4.”I don’t really have any specific examples, but it’s become a real issue.”

If you hear this in your performance review, and you can’t think of any examples either, I’d recommend you push for some examples.

• “I’m deeply committed to improving my performance in this arena. And, it’s really hard to understand what needs to change without some concrete examples.”
• “I really would like to understand this more. I’m struggling to come up with examples too.”
• “Can you please tell me more? I’d really like to get a better understanding of your concern here.”

5. “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from other people about your performance in this arena. Who? I’m not at liberty to say.

As with most of these awkward performance review phrases, I would start with a gut check. If your manager is raising an issue and it feels true to you, then your best bet is to own it and work on it.

However, if this third-party performance review feedback feels unfair, then I would press for more information.

• “Hmmm. That’s tricky. I don’t see it that way. It would be really helpful for me to talk directly with those concerned. Can you please ask them to come to me with their concerns so I have a chance to talk with them directly about it?”
• “Have you noticed this issue yourself? Does this seem like something that’s consistent with what you’ve observed?”
• “I’d like a chance to better understand this issue. Who do you suggest I talk with to learn more?”

6. “Just write up your accomplishments and I’ll sign it.”

It’s a great idea to submit your accomplishments. After all, you’re closer to the work you’ve done and the impact you’ve made.

Say yes, and then…

• “I’d be delighted to write up my accomplishments (see How to help your boss give you a better performance review for tips on how to do that well).”
• “I would also really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my performance this year. When would be a good time for us to talk through my performance review?”
• “Here you go (hand them your accomplishments). I’m also really interested in your feedback on how I can make next year my best year ever. I got this great development discussion planner from Let’s Grow Leaders. I’d love to schedule some time to go through that.”

While lazy, vague, and frustrating feedback can feel super irritating, it also gives you a chance to take responsibility for your career development. Ask for what you need and giveyour manager the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Sometimes their insights will surprise, and help you make that next step.

Related Articles

12 Powerful Phrases For Navigating Challenging Workplace Conflict

How to Help Your Team’s Performance Stand Out for Better Recognition

The post Performance Review: How to respond to frustrating or lazy performance feedback appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

For most managers, the only thing they dread more than going to their own end-of-year performance appraisal is holding end-of-year feedback discussions with their team. Why?

Because the performance appraisal system is unnatural by design. Imagine if we burdened our home relationships with some of the same formal systems we impose at work.

“Honey, I’ve decided to give you an end-of-year appraisal. Your cooking has improved and you’re taking out the trash without being reminded. So, you get an “Exceeds Expectations” in domestic duties. ”

But you’ve been so stressed lately, and it’s been months since you brought me flowers, I have to give romance a B-.”

And if your company is using a stack ranking system, made worse with forced rating quotas,  it’s even more tricky.

I’ll save the rant about these old-school performance appraisal systems for another day, Chances are you’re already neck-deep in preparing for these required conversations. Instead, I’ve collected a list of the most infuriating phrases many employees have told me have ticked them off (or made them quit).

6 Infuriating End-Of-Year Feedback Phrases That Crush Morale

1. “I don’t have much end-of-year feedback for you. You know you’re doing great.”

Why it’s infuriating: You know who hears this? The people that have been killing themselves going above and beyond expectations. Every single week I hear from high-performers who feel overlooked and are starving for recognition.

What to Do Instead: If they’re doing great, be sure to give specific end-of-year feedback about what was so great and why it mattered. Also, care enough to offer specific ideas for how they can grow and do even better. See Also:  7 Things Your High-Performing Employees Long to Hear You Say.

2. “I rated you as meets expectations for your end-of-year feedback. Your performance really was an “exceeds” but I had to make the math work out.” Or, even worse, “I could only have one in that category.”

Why it’s infuriating: Basically, this is saying, I’m rating you lower than you deserve. And nothing is more infuriating than injustice in your performance appraisal.

What to Do Instead: It’s always best to stay focused on results and behaviors, rather than the rating. But if an employee is frustrated, they may be so distracted by the rating it’s difficult for them to think about anything else. Be clear about the criteria that you used to calibrate performance and where they met and exceeded those criteria and opportunities to improve in the future. Stay away from comparisons to other employees, or blaming other people for the rating they received.

3. “I know we haven’t had a chance to talk about this before, but _____”

Why it’s infuriating: Nothing new should be surfacing in end-of-year feedback. And yet so frequently employees tell us they were completely blindsided by observations of behaviors from earlier in the year. It’s frustrating because it feels like a gotcha game instead of constructive feedback that they could have acted on if they had heard about it sooner.

What to Do Instead: Never bring up new feedback in a performance review. Be proactive in sharing observations as close to when it occurred as possible.

4. “Well, I don’t really have any specific examples, but it’s become a real issue.”

Why it’s infuriating: End-of-year feedback without specifics feels unfounded; not to mention generalized feedback with no examples would never hold up if they challenged you in a formal way (e.g. lawsuit).

What to Do Instead: Be sure you can offer specific examples of the behavior for any feedback you are giving. 

5. “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from other people about your performance in this arena. Who?  I’m not at liberty to say. Have I noticed it, well, no but everybody is telling me about it.”

Why it’s infuriating: You lose credibility and trust by acting on feedback you’ve heard thirdhand—you’re essentially saying, “I trust them and doubt you.” Ouch.

What to Do Instead: Find a way to observe the issue yourself. Or encourage the person with the feedback to offer it directly.

6. “Just write up your accomplishments and I’ll sign it.”

Why it’s infuriating: Why bother? “You want me to do YOUR job?

What to Do Instead: Have them submit their accomplishments, and then invest the time to share your observations and a well-thought-through commentary. Make the effort to ensure they feel seen and understood.

Done well end-of-year feedback conversations can go a long way in building trust, aligning expectations with results, and laying the foundation for a great start to the new year. If you show up with confident humility, focused on both results and relationships.

How to Give a Better Performance Appraisal

Other Helpful Tools For Your End-Of-Year Feedback and Performance Appraisal Sessions

If you’re on the other end of these performance reviews, this ones for you.

Performance Review: How to respond to frustrating or lazy performance feedback

Virtual One-on-One Meetings: How to Encourage More Collaboration

How to Prepare for a Better Development Discussion

Creative Ways to Develop Your Managers

Stop Asking “How Can We Improve?” Research Says the Best CEOs Do This When Asking For Feedback

The post Avoid These Infuriating Phrases in End-of-Year Feedback and Performance Appraisals appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

If your company doesn’t require mid-year reviews, do them anyway. If your boss doesn’t have one planned for you, why not ask for one?

They’re great times to summarize, celebrate, challenge, and inspire.

Use this mid-year review time to ask great questions that inspire deeper thinking and build a meaningful connection.

Mid-Year Review Questions to Reflect on Performance

• How are you feeling about the year so far?
• How would you describe what’s happening with this project?
• What are you most proud of this year?
• What lessons have you learned?
• How are you different now than you were 6 months ago?
• What new skills have you developed?
• Where are you stuck?
• What new relationships have you fostered?

Mid-Year Questions to Challenge and Turnaround

• Have you ever had an experience like this before? Can you describe what you did you do that helped at that time?
• What patterns do you see?
• What do you think we should do?
• Which habits would you like to change?
• What’s the most important thing you can do to turn this situation around?
• What additional resources do you need?
• How can I best support you?

Mid-Year Review Questions to Encourage

• What would it look like if?
• What would happen if?
• Or you can use our BECOME tool to inspire deeper encouragement conversations.

Mid-Year Questions to Solicit Feedback

• If you were in my shoes, what would you be doing differently?
• What can I do to better support you and the team?
• What have I done this year that most ticked you off?
• Can you describe what I’m doing that is most helpful to you?

Mid-Year Review Questions to Gather Ideas

These sessions are also a great time to invite team members to share their best ideas to improve the business.

You can simply ask a courageous question or two. Or, invite them to prepare for their mid-year review by bringing you one idea to improve the business.

• What’s one policy that just sucks (and how would you change it)?
• Can you think of one idea that would help you provide a better customer experience?
• What’s one change you could make that would improve your productivity?
• What’s your best idea to improve teamwork and collaboration around here?
• If you could make one change to improve our team huddles what would that be?

If you’ve been using our one-on-one meeting tools on a regular basis, preparing to conduct or receive a review should be that much easier.

And Dear Leader…if work without human-centered practical leadership training is getting a bit too edgy for your liking – or your strategies just aren’t working like you need them to – visit our Live (online or hybrid) Leadership Training page to learn how to build and sustain company-wide change.

Bonus 2020 Update: Mid-Year Review Questions to Ask in a Pandemic or During Times of Major Stress and Change

Let’s start here…

See Also: How to Hold an Effective Mid-Year Review in a Pandemic

Your turn.

What are your favorite mid-year review questions?

The post Great Mid-Year Review Questions (and Video) appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.