You’re right. You deserve high-quality, carefully considered feedback in your performance review. Your manager should take this seriously and do it right.

But often they don’t. It’s statistically likely that you (or a friend) will be blindsided by the performance feedback you receive. Let’s get ahead of it this year with some Powerful Phrases to ask for, and engage In a more meaningful conversation.

Powerful Phrases to Deal with Lazy, Vague, Frustrating Feedback

A few years ago, I wrote “Avoid These Infuriating Phrases in End-of-Year Feedback” to encourage managers to stop making stupid comments when giving a performance review.

This heartfelt post came from years of listening to high-performing employees vent their frustrations about frustrating phrases their managers said. If you’re a manager who struggles with performance reviews, please start there.

How to Respond to the Most Infuriating Kind of Performance Review

For the rest of you (or your friends), let’s prepare for that frustrating feedback this year and prepare you with some Powerful Phrases for when the conversation goes sideways.

1. “I don’t have much end-of-year feedback for you. You know you’re doing great.”

I hate this one as much as you do. If you’re hearing this, you probably are doing great, but it doesn’t give you much to build on or improve.

Some options to start your empowered response:

• “Wow, thanks so much! I appreciate your support. This year, I feel particularly proud about __________ (insert that accomplishment you expected them to bring up). I’m curious about your perspective on that _______(project, strategy, accomplishment). Why did that work from your perspective? What made that work so well, and how might I bring more of that into my work?”
• “Thank you! You know, one area I’m really working to improve on is _________. What is one suggestion you have for how I can be more effective in that arena?”
• “Thank you! I’m curious about what specifically you appreciate about what I’m doing here. I’m very focused on ensuring next year is even better, and I’d love your help in knowing what I should continue doing and ideas to help me really differentiate my performance next year.”

2. “I rated you as meets expectations for your end-of-year feedback. Your performance really was an “exceeds” but I had to make the math work out.” Or, even worse, “I could only have one person in that category.”

Okay, you have a serious right to be ticked off here. I’ve been there, on both sides of this awkward conversation.

And it’s probably too late to change the math or the rating. I know this because as a Verizon executive I’ve fought this battle many times for the high-performers on my team, and the answer was “pick one.”

Your manager may be as (or even more) frustrated than you.

In my article on infuriating phrases, my advice to your manager is to stay focused on results and behaviors, rather than the rating. And, to be clear about the criteria that they used to calibrate performance and where you met and exceeded those criteria and opportunities to improve in the future. To stay away from comparisons to other employees, or blaming other people for the rating they received.

And now, some options to start your empowered response: 

• “Oh, wow. That must have put you in a difficult situation. And, I’ve got to tell you, that makes me feel really ___________(insert emotion here, but try not to scream or cry).”
• “I’ve worked incredibly hard this year and I really don’t want to be having a similar conversation this time next year. Can we outline what I need to do for next year to make ‘exceeds’ (or whatever your rating equivalent is) the obvious rating? I’d love to build a plan to ensure I have the success I’m looking for.”
• “I really appreciate your support. And I’ve got to tell you I’m pretty frustrated. This affects my compensation too (if that’s true). I’d really like to talk to HR to express my concerns about this.”

3. “I know we haven’t talked about this before, but _____”

This one’s tricky because your manager certainly shouldn’t blindside you this way in your performance review. There are a few angles you might choose to take. If they’ve put something in writing that’s coming out of the blue, you might request to have that removed, requesting a fair chance to address it before it turns up in the documentation.

And, here are some empowering phrases that might be useful.

• “I appreciate your feedback and your desire to help me improve. I’m wondering what we could do to set up a more regular cadence of feedback throughout the year, so there are no surprises next time.”
• “I’m a bit surprised by this feedback and would like to take some time to digest it. Let’s set up a follow-up in a week to talk a bit more.”
• “Since this is the first time I’ve heard this feedback, can you please give me some time to address this before you put it in the formal review? Here’s my approach to improving in this area.”

4.”I don’t really have any specific examples, but it’s become a real issue.”

If you hear this in your performance review, and you can’t think of any examples either, I’d recommend you push for some examples.

• “I’m deeply committed to improving my performance in this arena. And, it’s really hard to understand what needs to change without some concrete examples.”
• “I really would like to understand this more. I’m struggling to come up with examples too.”
• “Can you please tell me more? I’d really like to get a better understanding of your concern here.”

5. “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from other people about your performance in this arena. Who? I’m not at liberty to say.

As with most of these awkward performance review phrases, I would start with a gut check. If your manager is raising an issue and it feels true to you, then your best bet is to own it and work on it.

However, if this third-party performance review feedback feels unfair, then I would press for more information.

• “Hmmm. That’s tricky. I don’t see it that way. It would be really helpful for me to talk directly with those concerned. Can you please ask them to come to me with their concerns so I have a chance to talk with them directly about it?”
• “Have you noticed this issue yourself? Does this seem like something that’s consistent with what you’ve observed?”
• “I’d like a chance to better understand this issue. Who do you suggest I talk with to learn more?”

6. “Just write up your accomplishments and I’ll sign it.”

It’s a great idea to submit your accomplishments. After all, you’re closer to the work you’ve done and the impact you’ve made.

Say yes, and then…

• “I’d be delighted to write up my accomplishments (see How to help your boss give you a better performance review for tips on how to do that well).”
• “I would also really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my performance this year. When would be a good time for us to talk through my performance review?”
• “Here you go (hand them your accomplishments). I’m also really interested in your feedback on how I can make next year my best year ever. I got this great development discussion planner from Let’s Grow Leaders. I’d love to schedule some time to go through that.”

While lazy, vague, and frustrating feedback can feel super irritating, it also gives you a chance to take responsibility for your career development. Ask for what you need and giveyour manager the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Sometimes their insights will surprise, and help you make that next step.

Related Articles

12 Powerful Phrases For Navigating Challenging Workplace Conflict

How to Help Your Team’s Performance Stand Out for Better Recognition

The post Performance Review: How to respond to frustrating or lazy performance feedback appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

When your manager asks you for information, don’t just answer their question. Have a perspective. To get better at managing up, ask yourself three questions that will turn information into influence.

The Problem: Why Your Boss Is Frustrated

Every day we hear from frustrated executives buried in data. Their team sends them reams of information without context, PowerPoint decks that don’t answer the “obvious” question, or vague answers that lead to more questions.

And it’s all unnecessary. If your manager asks you for information and your answers don’t build your influence, or worse, cause frustration, you probably made one of a few mistakes.

Presenting Information: Common Managing Up Mistakes

Avoid these common mistakes when answering questions and presenting information.

Mistake #1: You Misinterpret or Underestimate the Ask

You’re swamped and moving fast. There’s so much to do and then your boss asks for an update. And you want to be responsive, so you quickly throw together a chart that shows the last twelve months. But you don’t explain why February’s numbers were so different. Now your manager wonders why you don’t care about the obvious issue.

You’re so close to the project that your focus is on twigs and leaves, not the tree…and much less the forest. Your manager asks you for information. So you bury them in minutia that’s meaningful to you – but they wanted your perspective on the project’s success. And now they have to ask again.

Your manager asks for your analysis. So you put together a tight description of what’s happening and why. But you don’t make any recommendations. And your frustrated manager wonders, “What am I supposed to do with this? Shouldn’t you be able to solve these problems?”

Mistake #2: You Think Your Boss Thinks Like You

Everyone has a natural style of how they get information and make decisions. But these styles differ from one person to the next.

Maybe you prefer to read. So you prepare excellent written emails and reports – that your manager ignores. Because she prefers to listen and talk through the information. Or, you like to see all the data when deciding, so you give them everything. But they just want a summary, or your suggestion.

Mistake #3: You Try to Stay Out of Trouble

Your manager asks for an update and you bury the bad news in a spreadsheet or a hundred-slide presentation. Rather than interpret the data and risk a negative reaction from your manager, you dump it all on them and leave them to figure it out.

Or you don’t offer a point of view or recommendation because you worry about how your manager will react.

After all, they can’t get mad at you if you said nothing wrong, right?

Well, wrong…of course they can still get upset. And now, to make it worse, you didn’t actually do your job because you didn’t lead.

Mistake #4: You Try to Look Too Good

There’s a time to show your work. But going overboard makes you look insecure, not competent.

When you showboat and point out how outstanding you are, you cast doubt as to your true capabilities. Worse, in the effort to show off, you miss the chance to genuinely help and build the influence you want. You’ll have much more influence managing up when you add true value.

Three Managing Up Questions to Turn Information into Influence

Avoid these four mistakes and add value by asking yourself three key questions. If you aren’t confident in your answers to any of the questions, use these communication tools and Powerful Phrases to maximize your influence.

1. What does your manager need?

This is the most important question to make sure that you add value. What does your manager actually need?

Ask yourself this question a couple times, from different angles.

Because your manager might not ask for what they need.

They’ll ask for what they think they need. Or they ask for the first part, but not the second and third pieces. Maybe they don’t understand the issue as well as you do, so they ask the totally wrong question. Or they don’t specifically ask for your recommendation, but they expect you to have one.

Here are ways to think about what your manager needs:

• How will they use the information? Will they make a decision? Pass it to someone else? Implement your suggestion?
• Quick or detailed? What level of confidence do they need? Do they need a precise, accurate answer, or is a quick range enough for now?
• Do they need nicely formatted to share with others or just an email with a simple answer?
• What are the next three questions your manager would naturally ask? Answer these.

Always have a perspective. Whether your manager asked for it, you need to be read to offer a point of view. You are closer to the work. What would you recommend?

If you’re not sure what your manager needs, there are a couple of questions you can ask to help clarify:

• Check for Understanding by saying, “Here’s what I’m hearing you need and how you will use the answers I give you: ________. Do I have that right?”
• When you don’t have enough information to check for understanding, you can draw out more information by asking: “I want to make sure I get you what you need. What will a successful update do for you?”

2. How do they need it?

When you work with a manager frequently, you can ask this question early in your relationship. If you don’t know the person making the request, include this question in your first conversation:

“How do you like to receive information?”

Some possibilities to explore include:

• Written, diagramed, or spoken
• Bullet point summaries or analysis
• Numbers, narrative, or both

When you can’t know how they need it, try this: start with a one-page brief, bulleted summary of key information and your recommendations. In the following pages, give them the data and analysis. Then make yourself available to discuss the report.

3. When do they need it?

You don’t want to waste time if they need it quickly. Nor do you want to drop everything and abandon your work to provide a report that could wait until next week.

The tool to help you manage these priorities is Scheduling the Finish.

You never want to leave a conversation that requires action without scheduling the finish by addressing three factors:

• Ideally, when will the task be complete?
• Is this workable, or do you need to resolve competing priorities?
• Is the scheduled finish on your calendar (and the calendar of anyone else involved)?

For example, your manager asks for an update on the sales figures for your newest product. You know she prefers written bullet points and the ability to ask clarifying questions.

First, you ask how she’ll use the data and whether she wants the actual data or a trend analysis. Then you schedule the finish by asking, “Ideally, when do you need this?”

She asks for the information by tomorrow afternoon.

You have time at 4:00 pm available to meet. But you also have to attend a marketing update in the morning that won’t leave you time for her update.

So, you tell her, “If I can skip that marketing meeting, I can send you the information at 3:00 and then we can do a quick video call at 4:00 so I can answer your questions? How does that sound?”

Your Turn

You can master the art of managing up, increase your influence, and get your manager the right information at the right time by answering three critical questions: What do they need? How do they need it? When do they need it?

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one of your best ways to get your manager the information they need to lead well and make good decisions?

You Might Also Like:

• Help Your Boss Stop Wasting Time with Bad Delegation
• Powerful Phrases to Win With a Moody Boss, Even a Dropper of F-Bombs
• Managing Up With Grace (How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback With Video)

The post Managing Up: Turning Information into Influence with Your Boss appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Nearly every leader we’ve ever worked with feels it. Those moments where the thread of understanding seems to unravel, leaving you feeling exasperated and silently screaming “Don’t they understand?” (or sometimes not so silently). At their core, these moments of frustration are an opportunity to lead and solve an all-too-common problem: failure to communicate.

Turning Frustration into Opportunity

When you find yourself frustrated, asking, “Don’t they understand? Doesn’t my boss get it? Doesn’t that senior leader know what impact they’re having here?” or, “Doesn’t the team understand why we’re doing what we’re doing?” – the answer is almost always “No, they don’t get it. They don’t fully understand.”

The alternative is that they understand–they’re fully aware of the situation and the consequences of their decisions—and they made their choice, anyway. Sometimes this happens. But you don’t want to assume that you’ve got the full picture—or that they do. Those assumptions are often at the core of our failure to communicate well with one another.

In those moments, it’s worth your effort to understand your leaders’ or your team’s decision-making if you can. You may gain a strategic insight, a longer-term focus than you had. Or you may find a problem you didn’t know about. You might discover your leaders or your team have a very different set of values and you should start planning a change.

But most often, when you feel frustrated and ask, “Don’t they get it?” The answer is “no, they don’t.”

As a leader, manager, and team member, you stand at a crossroads every time this question arises. The path you take will either lead to more frustration or to better collaboration.

When You Experience a Failure to Communicate

Imagine a senior leader shifts a process without input from you or your team. It’s easy to feel overlooked and to wonder, “How could they not see the full picture?” And if you want to be a “team player” you might feel like you must just say “yes” and add it to the long list of impossible tasks you already face.

But that’s not quite true. You still have an opportunity (and responsibility) to say something. To ask questions, understand the goals, and help your leaders understand the realities confronting your team.

When change cascades and frustration mounts, remember that silence solves nothing. Start the conversation. You have information they need. Share the trade-offs and consequences of decisions. If additional hours, resources, or shifts in priority are necessary, voice it.

You might phrase it in terms of a current choice. For example, “As we incorporate this change, here are the opportunities we have. We can adjust our KPIs for the next several weeks to accommodate the new process and time it will take to adapt it. Or we can resource differently—perhaps add people. Or we can do extra hours or overtime.”

When you have the option of more hours or intense effort, you want to voice that. It’s not a choice you can make too often before people burn out, leave, or quality suffers. So don’t assume it’s the only answer. It is a choice among others.

Your insights are the missing puzzle pieces that can complete the bigger picture for those who may not see it fully.

Own Your Leadership

Leadership isn’t about quiet compliance; it’s about courageous conversations. By communicating effectively, you’re not just passing along information; you’re advocating for your team, your customer, and for the success of the project.

Being a team player doesn’t mean saying “yes” at the cost of your team’s well-being. It means taking a stance, proposing solutions, and being the buffer that absorbs shockwaves from above, not merely a conduit for them. When you lay out the implications of decisions and suggest alternatives, you do more than share information—you guide it.

What if the response is an unreasonable expectation of overworking your team indefinitely? Then you, as a leader, are at a juncture to advocate for sustainability, to signal that while the crisis may call for short-term sacrifices, the ‘normal’ must always respect human limits.

What About Your Team or Skip-Level Frustrations?

If you have to ask, “Doesn’t my team get it?” they probably don’t.

They may not realize the importance of the issue. Often, the “why” behind actions and decisions got lost in translation. Or they don’t trust that it will last and so don’t want to waste their time. Or they’re struggling to do the thing.

Whatever the reason, there’s a failure to communicate and you can fix it. Begin by clarifying the why – what’s the reason for the request. Then check in on their understanding and ability to do it. They may need training. Or encouragement. Or a little accountability. (For more about how to have the conversation your team member needs now, check out the Confidence-Competence Model.)

If you’re a senior leader talking with people two or three levels removed, you’ll have the same frustrations.

Once again, if you have to ask, “Don’t they get it?” the answer is “no.”

Often, the first part of your communication to go missing is the “why.” You were busy and told your managers on the “what,” assuming that they would fill in the blanks for their teams. But they didn’t fully get the “why” either and in their hurry to get things done, they simplify it and just pass through the “what.”

Now you have people working without purpose, just doing what they’re told. Or you have frustrated people who grudgingly follow instructions but wonder why in the world they must do this?

If there’s misunderstanding, gently share the missing information with the employee, then reach out to their manager. Do a “check for understanding” to see how well they’ve got it. Fill in their gaps as needed, then reinforce the need for them to communicate fully with their team. Encourage your leaders to engage their teams not only in the “what” but also in the rich texture of the “why.”

Your Turn: Addressing a Failure to Communicate

In the end, each “Don’t they understand?” is a call to leadership. To take responsibility and figure out where there was a failure to communicate. Either on your part or theirs. And either way, what you can do to improve the communication and ensure everyone has the information you do.

Your senior leaders won’t always make the choice you would. And you won’t always make the choice your team would make. And that’s okay. Ensure that you understand the “why.” Clearly take ownership for and communicate the tradeoffs. You’ll build more effective collaboration and gain a reputation as a leader who people can trust.

We’d love to hear from you: when “they” just don’t get it, how do you constructively address the failure to communicate?

You may also like:

• How To Get Your Boss to Appreciate and Recognize Your Genius
• Aargh! Don’t they Understand? (Podcast)
• From Fiasco to Opportunity: How to Reframe a Team Setback With Better Words
• Great Skip Level Meetings: 5 Strategic Approaches for Executive Visits
• Help Reluctant Team Members Share Their Great Ideas

The post Failure to Communicate: What to Do When Your Boss (or Team) Don’t Get It appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Maybe it’s a side effect of passion, intensity, or creativity, but have you ever noticed that many high-achieving managers also have a moody dark side? Moody people are hard to work around. If it’s your boss who is moody, it’s even more challenging. You might feel tempted to avoid your moody boss, keep your head down, and just survive. But that kind of conflict at work is stressful and draining.

Adding Some Levity to the Moody Boss Scene

One of my (Karin) favorite bosses had such highs and lows that we gave her two nearly matching Barbie dolls for her desk. The first was immaculately dressed in typical Barbie fashion, matching shirt, skirt, shoes, and pearls. The other doll had ripped clothes, magic marker on her face, and hair that looked like it had been gnawed by a cat.

We chose a “good Barbie day” to approach her with our plan. The team invited her to use the dolls as a warning sign: to put the doll that best portrayed her mood on a visible shelf. We knew if “evil” Barbie was lurking, we needed to lay low. Not ideal for sure. No one wants a moody boss.

And yet, she accepted the gift with a smile. She used the dolls, as requested, for our benefit. Thankfully she got the point when one of us went to the shelf and switched the dolls. It wasn’t perfect. There were days when even the dolls didn’t help. But what I learned from that experience is that talking with a moody manager (when they’re not in that mood) can go a long way.

Powerful Phrases to Connect with Your Moody Boss

Start by trying to understand and acknowledge the root cause. If your manager is like most humans who are accused of being in a bad mood when they’re justifiably frustrated, they may think, “Sure, I could have left out the F-bombs or lowered my voice, BUT this issue is real! Why don’t they get their F-@%# act together?

Of course, the advice from one of our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey respondents, can’t hurt either, you can always, “bake a cake ;-)”

“I understand how frustrating this is. I’m deeply concerned too.”

or

“I get why this is so bad (restate impact to customer or business)”

These phrases help you acknowledge their emotion. Show that you get it. This immediately reduces their sense of being alone and the frustration that goes with that feeling. One of the reasons a screamer keeps screaming is they feel they’ve not been heard. Show your moody boss you care too.

“I’m so sorry I screwed this up. Here’s what I will do…”

or “Yeah, this is totally my fault. Next time I will…”

If it’s your fault, there’s no better phrase than an apology paired with taking responsibility for what you’ll do to fix it (either this time or next time).

Powerful Phrases to Talk About Patterns of Cranky Boss Behavior

It’s tempting to address the mood during the mood because that’s when your emotions are high as well. But we strongly recommend that you schedule the conversation. Pick a calmer time to talk about their patterns or even bring in a bit of humor.

“I’m observing a repeated pattern where [specific observations]…and I’m wondering…”

People are often blind to their patterns. “Sure I was grumpy this morning, but I’m not that way every day am I?” When you can give specific examples, it helps your moody boss look in a mirror and make a decision to do something differently.

Here’s a full example of this one from a real conversation I (David) had with my manager:

“I’m seeing a pattern where you get upset with people laughing in the breakroom. For example, it happened after lunch today, this morning, and yesterday afternoon. And I’m wondering what’s going on for you right now?”

“This is what it’s like to be me in this situation.”

If you are a regular reader, you’ll recognize this powerful phrase from our article on dealing with a bully at work (without losing your lunch money). 

This phrase gives you an opportunity to calmly and objectively share how you’re feeling. I

“How can I help?”

This Powerful Phrase is simple but effective. It gets the person out of their reactivity and into some critical thinking. Often the answer is “Nothing, thank you.” Or you might learn of a significant opportunity that will help your career.

One of our favorite examples of these conversations in use was when we worked with a leadership team who addressed their CEO’s habit of swearing in frustration. The CEO picked a funny code word to use instead of using an F-bomb. The word lightened to mood (it was hard to say the code word with a straight face) and he still communicated the severity of the situation.

Much of the time, when a moody boss gets emotional, it’s because the work is really important, and they’re passionate about getting it right. Of course, it’s not your job to calm them down. They are responsible for their own emotions and executive presence. And, some careful communication can convey how much you care too and help de-escalate the conversation for more productive dialogue.

Related Articles for Building a Better Relationship With Your Manager

How Your Great Boss Might Be Hurting Your Career

How to Get Your  Boss to Appreciate Your Genius

The post Powerful Phrases to Win With a Moody Boss, Even a Dropper of F-Bombs appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

You want your boss to see your genius. But what if they don’t? How do you communicate your worth to get the recognition, support, and advocacy you need? And how do you do it without looking needy?

One tool you receive when you participate in our foundational leadership development program is the Confidence Competence Model. It helps you to target your coaching and development efforts to what each person on your team most needs. A decade of leading high-potential leadership programs around the world confirms—people who are good at what they do (and know it), yearn to be seen and challenged. Read more about retaining top performers here.

How to Get Your Boss to See Your Expertise

If YOU identify as a “Challenge Me” employee, in the high-competence, high-confidence category, it’s likely you also want your boss to SEE YOUR GENIUS, and challenge you to bring more of that into your current and future roles.

But what if your boss DOESN’T get it? What if your genius isn’t something they value?

That’s not easy. And there is hope. One of the favorite parts of our jobs is helping people unleash and apply their genius.

Start by getting curious about their perspective.

Start by putting pause on your frustration and show up a bit curious about their perspective.

1. Get Curious About Tommy Syndrome

If you’ve been around for a long time, maybe there’s some “Tommy Syndrome,” happening. You joined your company as a kid (Tommy). Now you’ve matured into a high-performing, mature leader, but your well-meaning boss, who has known you from the beginning, can’t see the (Tom) you’ve become.

2. Get Curious if They “Get It”

Or it could be you have technical expertise that they just don’t understand. Or maybe they don’t value what you do.

I (Karin) had a boss who thought I lacked the business savvy for leading a B2B sales organization. “Oh, Karin, sure you’re team is leading the Nation in SMB (small and medium business sales), but selling to Enterprise customers is completely different.” If I can be so bold, he didn’t see my genius. I gladly accepted a promotion outside of his organization, as they wanted exactly the skills he couldn’t see.

Of course, now I’m not only the founder and CEO of a successful, International human-centered leadership company with large Enterprise clients around the world, but we also designed and built all the products. I wish I had this article back then to help him with his lack of imagination 😉 And gosh, I hope he reads this on Linkedin.

I (too) David, had a boss who never quite understood or valued all that I did in his organization. To be fair, he greatly valued and relied on some of the technical aspects of my work. But when it came to leading a diverse workforce with widely varying experiences and perspectives, many of whom had challenging life circumstances, I knew he hadn’t fully seen or valued my leadership. Two months after I’d left the organization he sent me a text one night that read simply, “I had no idea how much you did here.”

3. Get Curious About the Overwhelm

It could be that your boss is just too busy or overwhelmed to see your genius, and needs your help to point it out. Honestly, this is a best-case scenario. Overwhelmed managers often really want to pay attention to the areas of their role (like investing in leaders) that they don’t have time for. The conversation starters below will help them exhale and help you advocate for what you need.

4. Get Curious About How You Can Grow

And, of course, maybe they have an important perspective you really need to pay attention to. Perhaps they see blind spots that keep you from being your best. Maybe a lack of performance in an area that’s critical to your department’s success undermines what see as your genius. If you don’t have the basics covered (as your manager sees them), it can be challenging for them to see where you shine.

Beginning the conversation with a bit of curiosity is an important first step.

A Few Conversation Starters To Inspire Attention to Your Genius

As you show up with curiosity, here are a few conversation starters to uncover opportunities and understand their perspective. The key here is to ask for specific insights. “How am I doing?” or “Is there anything I should change?” can feel vague and overwhelming. Instead, here are some good options:

• I care deeply about this company and I want to make as big of a contribution as possible. I’d love to hear your thoughts on one way I can add additional value to the team.
• As we head into the next three months, I’m curious about what you see as one of my biggest strengths to build on, and one opportunity to grow.
• I’m curious about what an extraordinary year would look like for my role from your perspective. What specifically do you see me doing now that will contribute to making that happen? And, what’s one thing I should consider doing differently?
• What do you see as the top three strengths I bring to the team? How do you think I could contribute more in that arena?

Use Strategic Stories to Showcase Your Genius

Once you’ve learned their perspective and looked at the opportunities they see for you, it’s time to speak up for the characteristic that you don’t think they see or value. One way to do this is to learn the art of a strategic story. If your genius is turning around disgruntled customers, weave in a casual story the next time you’re together about the customer, what happened, what you did, and the difference it made.

If your genius is developing your team, talk about what you’re doing and the difference it’s making. One way to make this feel less awkward is to frame that story as recognizing a team member.

“I’ve got to tell you about how amazing Paul is doing with his sales close rate. We’ve been working really hard on his opening and closing statements, and he’s really nailing it!”

Powerful Phrases to Ask For What You Need and Highlight Your Genius

These phrases can help to open the door for better executive exposure and opportunities to showcase your and your team’s work. 

• I’d love to give you an opportunity to learn more about my team and the work that we do. Can we set up some time to do that?
• I’ve been working on ___________ and I know how important this is to our overall strategy. Can we carve out a few minutes in an upcoming staff meeting so I can give you and the team some updates?
• With all the remote work in the last few years, I wonder if we’re missing opportunities to really know one another and what we each bring to the team. What if I organized some time in an upcoming meeting where we could each talk about the biggest strength we bring to the team?
• I’ve always been proud of my ability to __________. And, sometimes I don’t feel I get a chance to do that as much as I would like here. Do you see more opportunities for me to use that skill here?

Once you’ve shown up curious and asked for an opportunity to showcase your skills and accomplishments, another approach is to get a bit more direct and ask for exactly what you need.

• I’ve got to tell you, I think I’m pretty good at ________. I would love an opportunity to show you by ________.
• I know you haven’t had much opportunity to see my ability to ______. What if I took on _______ (a special project, a pilot of an idea).
• I really think I’m ready for _______. What concerns would you have with me taking that on?

Your Turn

When you feel like your manager doesn’t see or value that aspect of your work where you feel you’re a superstar, begin with curiosity. Pay attention to what might obscure your unique value and where they see opportunities to grow. Once you’ve learned their perspective, use strategic stories to frame your abilities and ask for what you need.

Now it’s your turn – we’d love to hear from you: Was there a time when you felt like your boss just didn’t get it? What did you do? Were you able to transform the situation?

The post How To Get Your Boss to Appreciate and Recognize Your Genius appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Do you ever think of exactly the right thing to say — your perfect career elevator pitch — the moment you walk away from the conversation?

Do you want to make a better impression when you have only a few moments to share your ideas or ask for something you need?

Today on Asking for a Friend, we go old-school and talk about a very practical, and easy-to-implement technique for getting people’s attention and making an important first impression. This can help create clarity around the importance of your work. 

Ok, so the story I share with you in this video is seriously right on point. It’s so relevant that it’s almost hard to believe it happened! I actually had the opportunity to give my two-liner, power-packed elevator pitch to a senior-level executive – on an elevator – immediately following a team training about communication. 

This moment in my career helped launch me into the next level of leadership at the company I worked for. It’s like all the pieces fell into place, right when I needed them to…

And I was ready with my elevator pitch

An elevator pitch is something I imagine many of us wish we had mastered earlier in our careers! And guess what? You don’t actually need an elevator. Watch the video for my tips on how to prepare for that moment…the one that could potentially change your career and your life so you can become the leader you want to be. 

Try This Simple Technique for a Better Career Elevator Pitch

Step 1 of your elevator pitch is to give the person you’re talking with context that they can relate to…choose a question that they know the answer to!  For example, I could start with something like, “Have you ever had a bad boss?”  

Step 2 of your elevator pitch helps position you in that process that they already know the importance of…and will make it really clear to them the VALUE of what you do. For example, after someone is nodding their head profusely to the question, “Have you ever had a bad boss?” Then, I could say, “I provide practical tools and techniques to help you be the leader you want your boss to be.”

Big picture…they don’t need to understand the HOW of what you do…and there are a lot of complex details that you don’t need to share. You want to communicate with confidence the importance and value of what you do. 

Then your career elevator pitch will be memorable and worthwhile.

What would you add? What’s one way you help people show up confident, credible, and ready to ask for what they need — when they only have a few moments?

P.S. This video was filmed just outside the amazing Leadership Institute in Beaver Creek, Colorado where we were working with a fantastic group of human-centered leaders at East West Hospitality. 

Related articles about communication, confidence, and leadership:

Presenting to Executives: How to Have More Confidence

What’s one piece of career advice you wish you had learned sooner?

Leadership Skills: 6 Core Competencies Let’s Grow Leaders (letsgrowleaders.com)

How to Get Your Boss Excited About Your Great Idea

The post How to Make an Even Better Career Elevator Pitch appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

One of the biggest requests for help we receive is, “How do I deal with my micromanager boss?” In fact, that phrase consistently ranks in the top “Asking for a Friend” questions in our Leadership Development Programs.  Over-involved managers frustrate people all over the world, telling them what to do, slowing them down, and getting in the way.

Interestingly, we hear an equally common frustration from these over-involved managers.

“Why do I have to get involved in all the details! I shouldn’t have to be involved at this level — but if I don’t, something will fall through the cracks. Why can’t my team see these issues and fix them?”

In fact, often we’ll hear both sides of the story. An employee will complain that their boss is a micromanager. And, when we talk with the “micromanaging boss,” they describe a litany of dropped balls, and other performance challenges that have caused them to get involved in situations they would rather not have to deal with.

Two highly frustrated, well-intentioned people wishing they could “fix” the situation, but with radically different views on the same situation.

What is Micromanagement?

Micromanagers get over-involved in their team’s day-to-day work. They check in excessively and dictate exactly how and when work is done. Micromanagers try to control team members’ activities and outcomes.

The consequences of micromanagement include frustrated and disempowered employees who feel a lack of autonomy and consequently don’t approach their work with energy, creativity, or initiative.

Signs You’re Dealing with a Micromanager

It’s not always obvious if you’re seeing micromanagement or a genuinely concerned manager who is trying to help you. What makes it difficult is that your manager might want to train you in an existing process or methodology. You may have your own thoughts, but they want to teach you what they know has worked in the past.

Another challenge is that when faced with what they perceive as a lack of performance, energy, creativity, or initiative, managers often increase their level of controlling behaviors to compensate. This leads to a negative feedback loop where the manager causes some of the very outcomes that lead them to micromanage.

The following signs can help you decide if you’re working with a micromanager:

• They have to know where everyone is at every moment
• The manager constantly wants to know what everyone is working on
• This need to know creates constant engagement, check-ins, and interruptions about relatively unimportant issues
• Lack of delegation – they insist on doing things themselves
• When they delegate or assign tasks, they don’t describe the outcome – they tell you how to do every step
• They insist you copy them on all your correspondence and include them in every meeting even when it doesn’t add value for them or others
• These managers often withhold information
• They don’t encourage or affirm and most interactions are critical – finding fault, constantly correcting even small errors, and employees can rarely do anything well enough

Indications Your Manager is Frustrated Too and Trying to Help

How can you tell if your manager is genuinely frustrated and trying to help (as opposed to being a true micromanager)?

Start with You

The first place to look is your performance. Look at your work objectively. Is it quality? Have you made consistent errors or repeated the same mistake after learning how to do it correctly? Does your work ethic match the organization’s culture?

We’ve known many people who complain about a micromanaging boss, but who consistently sent out grossly incorrect data, the wrong dates and times, and repeatedly made the same mistakes despite receiving coaching. Or they consistently arrive late to meetings and don’t reliably meet deadlines.

You may make mistakes as you learn and grow. The question is: are you growing? Can you show improvements in your work product? Are you committed to not making the same mistake more than once? Do you implement the coaching you receive?

If not, your manager might not be a micromanager; he might be trying to help you succeed in your role.

Look for Patterns

If you work on a team or in a group, pay attention to how your manager interacts with your colleagues. Is she directive and checking in with everyone all the time? Or is it just you?

When there’s a pattern of controlling behavior, it’s more likely you have a micromanager. But if it’s just you or one other person, that’s important data that your manager has concerns or frustrations and is trying to help you perform at a higher level.

Another pattern to pay attention to is timing. Is there a new source of stress? Maybe their directive behavior comes during the ramp for a product launch or a high-stakes board meeting or after a major revenue shortfall. These aren’t reasons for a manager to micromanage, but they can explain what’s causing the change in behavior – and give you the ability to help create a better working relationship.

Empowering Conversation Starters To Talk with Your Micromanaging Boss

Whether your manager is a true micromanager or trying to help, there are several powerful phrases to start conversations that will improve the relationship and experience – for both of you.

“I care about our success and want to make sure I’m doing my part.”

One of the best ways to start these conversations is by affirming your commitment to the team and the work. Getting this intention into the conversation opens the door for a productive conversation.

“I’ve noticed that you’ve [describe the controlling behavior objectively].”

Sometimes, drawing attention to the facts is all it takes to help a stress-out manager amend their behavior – or to take the time to explain what’s on their mind.

Examples:

• I’m noticing that you’ve asked for an update on that project five times in the last two hours.
• I’ve noticed you’re walking me through the steps of this process that I’ve done many times before.
• I know that you’ve asked to be included in all our team huddles when we’re debriefing progress and today’s assignments. The meetings rarely have engagement and you end up walking everyone through how to do their work.

Follow up with a question that allows mutual room for improvement.

After you describe the objective facts, ask a question that creates space for both of you to learn or grow. These questions allow the manager to share genuine concerns, but also cause them to reflect on why they are micromanaging. If you can get that concern into the conversation, you can address it.

Examples (combined with the “I’ve noticed…” statements):

• I’m noticing that you’ve asked for an update on that project five times in the last two hours. How can I help get you what you need so you’re confident and I can focus on getting it done?
• I’ve noticed you’re walking me through the steps of this process that I’ve done many times before. Is there something I’ve missed that’s causing you concern?
• I know that you’ve asked to be included in all our team huddles when we’re debriefing progress and today’s assignments. The meetings rarely have engagement and you end up walking everyone through how to do their work. Do you have a concern about how I’m leading those meetings or our project status?

Ask Your Micromanager for What You Want (with their concern in mind)

Once you’re aware of your manager’s concern (or that they don’t specifically have one if they’re acting out of habit), it’s time to ask for what you want.

Examples:

• “I’m hearing that the EVP is requesting frequent updates because the Board is concerned about our progress. Can I make a commitment to brief you in writing on Wednesdays and in writing and verbally on Friday before lunch? We’ll be able to make faster progress if we’re not pulling up to provide frequent updates.”
• “When we do these projects, can we focus on what a successful outcome will achieve and any specific criteria that need to be met. I’ll ensure the team achieves them. For the first one, how about we do a one-week progress check so you’re confident of where we’re going?”
• “I want to try two weeks of huddles where I lead them on my own so we can focus on peer-solution-sharing. Can you and I set up a quick meeting at the end of each week to see if you have any concerns and make sure we’re on track?”

Your Turn: Your Micromanager Success Story

Your micromanager boss might be stressed, insecure, victim to a bad role model in their leadership development – or they might be giving you the genuine training and help you need to succeed. After you honestly assess your performance and feel confident you’re doing what you know to do, a conversation can help you both.

You’ll either learn about your manager’s performance concerns and how to be more effective – or you’ll help the two of you navigate an improved relationship that improves both of your lives. And yes, with a couple of these conversations, you’ll also discover if you’re working with a manager who you’ll never satisfy or doesn’t want to stop micromanaging. When this happens, you have a foundation for making other career decisions.

We’d love to hear from you: Have you ever successfully navigated a relationship with a micromanager? What conversations did you have? What were the results?

You might also want to check out:

• 12 Powerful Phrases to Help You Navigate Challenging Workplace Conflict
• How to Avoid Micromanaging Remote Employees
• How to Provide More Meaningful Performance Feedback
• The Secret Ingredient to Master Delegation

The post How to Know if Your Boss is a Micromanager (or if you just need help) appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

“What do I do if my boss is a “gamer” manager—the kind of manipulative boss you talk about in your book Winning Well? This dude is not really focused on results or relationships. I feel like a pawn. What should I do? #AskingforaFriend”

This is a question we get frequently from people reading our book:  Winning Well: A Manager’s Guide To Getting Results—Without Losing Your Soul.

3 Tips for Dealing with a Manipulative Boss

Today, I offer a few thoughts. Have you ever worked for someone like this? What would you add?

1. Whatever you do, don’t get sucked into the gaming, manipulative boss vortex.

First, don’t become a manipulative manager yourself. You have a long career to consider. It’s very important that you maintain the credibility of your own brand.

2. Focus on creating a “cultural oasis.“

Next, be sure that everyone you lead and influence is being led well. Show up with confidence and humility, focused on results and relationships.

Be deliberate in building trust: up, down, and sideways.

3. Build a strong network of mentors and peer relationships.

And, surround yourself with people who will help you continue to grow. Get the support you need to stay true to your values.

What would you add?

What advice do you have for someone who has a manipulative boss, “gamer” boss?

#leadershipdevelopment #leadership #badbosses #courageouscultures David Dye Let’s Grow Leaders Jared Herr

Note: This was filmed at the King’s Road in Ireland on a pre-pandemic trip speaking at the Project Management Institute Global conference.

This question continues to come up so frequently, that I thought it was time to gather additional insights.

More “Asking for a Friend” Answers on Managing Up

How Your Great Boss Might Be Hurting Your Career

Managing Up With Grace (How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback With Video)

The post How Do I Deal with a Manipulative Boss? appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

You’ve got to give your boss bad news. But the timing isn’t great–for you or for them. The restructure. The uncertainty. The promotion that’s right around the corner.  Maybe it’s just not a great time to rock the boat. 

How do you give your boss bad news well, while avoiding the proverbial shooting of the messenger? Start by “ditching the diaper genie” and use our D.A.R.N. approach for delivering bad news.

First, Ditch the Diaper Genie.

If you’ve bumped into us in an airport over the last decade, it’s likely we’ve been carrying a diaper genie. Why? We’re passionate about avoiding sandwich feedback, having real conversations that matter, and delivering bad news well.

Our son, Sebastian, loves this metaphor so much that he can even explain it himself (as seen here in this video (worth a watch and a giggle). Our client invited our then 10-year-old son to give the diaper genie bit a go in Bristol England) and his recent sketch (at age 16, see below).

May our youth grow up in a world where real conversations are the norm. To learn to speak the truth with candor, and work in organizations that encourage them to speak up, share their ideas, and train them to do this well.

What does it mean to “ditch the diaper genie?” And, what does that have to do with giving your boss bad news?

If you haven’t been around a baby in a minute, a diaper genie works like this. You take a stinky diaper. You put it in the genie. Give it a twist. And the poop gets wrapped up so tight, that it doesn’t stink. But of course, we all know it still does.

Now, we say this with great respect for Playtex. Diaper Genies are a GREAT invention for parents and babies, but they’re not so good in organizations.

If you’ve got to give your boss bad news, it might be tempting to put it in the genie.

You think… “Our project is already three weeks behind. And we’ve just lost a key supplier.” But then you look at your boss, who’s already having a bad day, month, or year. So you stick it in the genie and say, “Well, we’ve had some minor setbacks. But, it’s really no big deal. Everything is under control.”

And your boss can’t help you. Because the poop doesn’t stink. And, if they can’t smell it, they can’t help you solve it. And so the bad news festers, unheard and unresolved.

What to Do Instead: How to Give Your Boss Bad News (the D.A.R.N. Method).

So, what’s the best way to ditch the diaper genie when giving your boss bad news? Avoid the cover-up and the blindsides. And, try the D.A.R.N. approach instead.

click on the image to download the DARN Method Tool

D- Disclose. (Explain the situation and root cause)

No blindsides. It’s WAY better for your boss to hear the bad news from you FIRST. Not from their boss. Not from social media. Disclosing the bad news early, and often builds trust.

A-Accountability. (Don’t be a blamer of bad news)

Take accountability.  Even if it wasn’t completely your fault. You might say something like, “honestly, I should have been closer to this situation.” Or, “I know how important this is, and I want to do everything to make it right.”

R- Response. (Share your solution to fix the situation)

Explain what you’ve done to rectify the scene. “I’ve called the customer to make it right. And, alerted our social media team in case the customer goes to Twitter with this. I’ve given the supervisor a final written warning.”

N- Next Steps. (Explain your plan and what you need next)

This is where you really shine when giving your boss bad news. Have a plan. “What I think you might do next is contact your manager (so they’re not blindsided). Or, “I think we need to change our policies or procedures to ensure this never happens.”

When giving your boss bad news, we encourage you to “ditch the diaper genie,” disclose the situation, take accountability and work to make it right.

Your turn. What would you add? What are your best practices for giving your boss bad news?

Related Articles

Managing Up: Keep Your Boss Informed About a Struggling Team Member

Managing Up With Grace: How to Give Your Boss Better Feedback

How to Give Difficult Feedback to Your Boss (Even When You Are Scared)

The post How to Give Your Boss Bad News: Avoid This Mistake and What to Do Instead appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

How Do I Manage Up When Results are Down? #AskingforaFriend

This question came in through our learning lab in one of our live-online leadership development programs.

What’s the best way to “manage up'” when working through employee coaching and improvements?

The question brought back a rush of memories of one particularly impatient boss who wanted every performance issue fixed “yesterday” the “easy way.”

Meaning, “just fire the guy” and move on.  That boss wasn’t particularly close to the complexity of the work.

And, he had a hard time seeing the long-term potential in struggling employees.

So, I learned the art of managing up when results were down the hard way.

Why This is Hard

Coaching for lasting improvement can take a minute. Your employee needs time to try new approaches and learn what works best in different scenarios.

Great coaching requires real connection, vulnerability, and trust. No one wants to feel like every conversation is being followed and tracked by someone outside the room.

And even as your struggling team member is improving, it’s likely they’re still going to screw up from time to time, reinforcing their reputation as a poor performer.  It would be easy for a removed observer to prematurely conclude that your coaching’s no working, and it’s time to move on.

And of course, there’s Murphy’s law at play…even if that customer service rep you’ve been coaching to have more empathy has made major improvements, the one time she gets testy with a customer will inevitably be when your boss is walking by.

You care about your struggling employee. You care about your boss. And, you care about the long-term performance of your team. It’s hard to balance these nuanced relationships as a human-centered leader. But it is possible.

4 Steps to Keeping Your Manager Informed When AddressIng Performance Issues

You need to give that struggling employee feedback, coaching, and support while keeping your manager informed about progress in a way that gives them confidence that you’re doing the right thing for the employee and the business.

1. Set clear expectations with your employee and with your manager

Start with a shared definition of success. Ensure all three of you define what good performance looks like in the same way. Sure, start with the metrics, like making quota or attaining service level or productivity measures. And, also ensure you’re aligned on the behaviors that will lead to success.

Focus on the game, not just the score.

2. Work with your struggling employee on a clear path to improved performance

If you need help with this, these articles are rich with practical tools.

How to Provide More Meaningful Performance Feedback 

How To Coach Employees to High Performance When Time Is Limited

Be sure to establish timelines and check-ins to measure progress.

3. Schedule the finish

The next step to managing up when coaching a struggling employee is to share the high-level plan with your manager and check for understanding to ensure they’re aligned with your approach.

And, here’s the part where you buy yourself the time to make an impact.

Schedule the finish. Get some time on your manager’s calendar when you will talk about the situation again. When your manager knows you have a solid plan AND they know when they’ll get an update, they’ll be less likely to ask you about progress every time they bump into you.  You’ll feel less micro-managed and you have time to help your struggling team member without having to share the play by play.

4. Give them opportunities to repair their brand

This is perhaps the trickiest part of managing up with a once-struggling employee. Even if they’ve worked hard to turn their performance around and they’re nailing their role, Ii’s likely you both still have some managing up to do.

iI’s time to show your manager they’ve really changed.

Marshall Goldsmith gives some good advice on this in our recent Asking For a Friend interview (I’ve included a very short excerpt from that interview below… you can watch the rest of the show at this link.

“It’s much easier to change behavior than to change the perceptions of others. Changing the perceptions of others is hard because we all see each other in ways that are consistent with our previous stereotypes.”

An important part of your role in managing up is to help your manager see the change.

Managing Up: What if The Employee Can’t Turn it Around?

Of course, it’s also possible that despite your best efforts, the performance doesn’t turn around.

If you’ve been following this process, you have good documentation, and you’ve kept your manager informed, you’ve built trust in all directions. It’s time to move forward with the next phase of the performance management process without guilt.

Sometimes letting an employee go is the most human-centered action for all involved.

As a human-centered manager managing up well, you want to support your employees and help them to grow AND give your manager the piece of mind so they don’t need to get overly involved.

Leaders Coaching Leaders: One Secret to Sustainable Leadership Development

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