You’re right. You deserve high-quality, carefully considered feedback in your performance review. Your manager should take this seriously and do it right.

But often they don’t. It’s statistically likely that you (or a friend) will be blindsided by the performance feedback you receive. Let’s get ahead of it this year with some Powerful Phrases to ask for, and engage In a more meaningful conversation.

Powerful Phrases to Deal with Lazy, Vague, Frustrating Feedback

A few years ago, I wrote “Avoid These Infuriating Phrases in End-of-Year Feedback” to encourage managers to stop making stupid comments when giving a performance review.

This heartfelt post came from years of listening to high-performing employees vent their frustrations about frustrating phrases their managers said. If you’re a manager who struggles with performance reviews, please start there.

How to Respond to the Most Infuriating Kind of Performance Review

For the rest of you (or your friends), let’s prepare for that frustrating feedback this year and prepare you with some Powerful Phrases for when the conversation goes sideways.

1. “I don’t have much end-of-year feedback for you. You know you’re doing great.”

I hate this one as much as you do. If you’re hearing this, you probably are doing great, but it doesn’t give you much to build on or improve.

Some options to start your empowered response:

• “Wow, thanks so much! I appreciate your support. This year, I feel particularly proud about __________ (insert that accomplishment you expected them to bring up). I’m curious about your perspective on that _______(project, strategy, accomplishment). Why did that work from your perspective? What made that work so well, and how might I bring more of that into my work?”
• “Thank you! You know, one area I’m really working to improve on is _________. What is one suggestion you have for how I can be more effective in that arena?”
• “Thank you! I’m curious about what specifically you appreciate about what I’m doing here. I’m very focused on ensuring next year is even better, and I’d love your help in knowing what I should continue doing and ideas to help me really differentiate my performance next year.”

2. “I rated you as meets expectations for your end-of-year feedback. Your performance really was an “exceeds” but I had to make the math work out.” Or, even worse, “I could only have one person in that category.”

Okay, you have a serious right to be ticked off here. I’ve been there, on both sides of this awkward conversation.

And it’s probably too late to change the math or the rating. I know this because as a Verizon executive I’ve fought this battle many times for the high-performers on my team, and the answer was “pick one.”

Your manager may be as (or even more) frustrated than you.

In my article on infuriating phrases, my advice to your manager is to stay focused on results and behaviors, rather than the rating. And, to be clear about the criteria that they used to calibrate performance and where you met and exceeded those criteria and opportunities to improve in the future. To stay away from comparisons to other employees, or blaming other people for the rating they received.

And now, some options to start your empowered response: 

• “Oh, wow. That must have put you in a difficult situation. And, I’ve got to tell you, that makes me feel really ___________(insert emotion here, but try not to scream or cry).”
• “I’ve worked incredibly hard this year and I really don’t want to be having a similar conversation this time next year. Can we outline what I need to do for next year to make ‘exceeds’ (or whatever your rating equivalent is) the obvious rating? I’d love to build a plan to ensure I have the success I’m looking for.”
• “I really appreciate your support. And I’ve got to tell you I’m pretty frustrated. This affects my compensation too (if that’s true). I’d really like to talk to HR to express my concerns about this.”

3. “I know we haven’t talked about this before, but _____”

This one’s tricky because your manager certainly shouldn’t blindside you this way in your performance review. There are a few angles you might choose to take. If they’ve put something in writing that’s coming out of the blue, you might request to have that removed, requesting a fair chance to address it before it turns up in the documentation.

And, here are some empowering phrases that might be useful.

• “I appreciate your feedback and your desire to help me improve. I’m wondering what we could do to set up a more regular cadence of feedback throughout the year, so there are no surprises next time.”
• “I’m a bit surprised by this feedback and would like to take some time to digest it. Let’s set up a follow-up in a week to talk a bit more.”
• “Since this is the first time I’ve heard this feedback, can you please give me some time to address this before you put it in the formal review? Here’s my approach to improving in this area.”

4.”I don’t really have any specific examples, but it’s become a real issue.”

If you hear this in your performance review, and you can’t think of any examples either, I’d recommend you push for some examples.

• “I’m deeply committed to improving my performance in this arena. And, it’s really hard to understand what needs to change without some concrete examples.”
• “I really would like to understand this more. I’m struggling to come up with examples too.”
• “Can you please tell me more? I’d really like to get a better understanding of your concern here.”

5. “I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from other people about your performance in this arena. Who? I’m not at liberty to say.

As with most of these awkward performance review phrases, I would start with a gut check. If your manager is raising an issue and it feels true to you, then your best bet is to own it and work on it.

However, if this third-party performance review feedback feels unfair, then I would press for more information.

• “Hmmm. That’s tricky. I don’t see it that way. It would be really helpful for me to talk directly with those concerned. Can you please ask them to come to me with their concerns so I have a chance to talk with them directly about it?”
• “Have you noticed this issue yourself? Does this seem like something that’s consistent with what you’ve observed?”
• “I’d like a chance to better understand this issue. Who do you suggest I talk with to learn more?”

6. “Just write up your accomplishments and I’ll sign it.”

It’s a great idea to submit your accomplishments. After all, you’re closer to the work you’ve done and the impact you’ve made.

Say yes, and then…

• “I’d be delighted to write up my accomplishments (see How to help your boss give you a better performance review for tips on how to do that well).”
• “I would also really appreciate your feedback and perspective on my performance this year. When would be a good time for us to talk through my performance review?”
• “Here you go (hand them your accomplishments). I’m also really interested in your feedback on how I can make next year my best year ever. I got this great development discussion planner from Let’s Grow Leaders. I’d love to schedule some time to go through that.”

While lazy, vague, and frustrating feedback can feel super irritating, it also gives you a chance to take responsibility for your career development. Ask for what you need and giveyour manager the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Sometimes their insights will surprise, and help you make that next step.

Related Articles

12 Powerful Phrases For Navigating Challenging Workplace Conflict

How to Help Your Team’s Performance Stand Out for Better Recognition

The post Performance Review: How to respond to frustrating or lazy performance feedback appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Effective Strategies for Better Stakeholder Management

Here are a few approaches and what to say to destress your day, and keep your project on track.

1. Focus on Being Effective, Not Right

Set aside right, and focus on how you can be effective with your difficult stakeholders.

If Distracted Donna is feeling stressed and slowing you down by asking for information you’ve already shared,  then the way you’ve been communicating isn’t working. You may have been “right” in that you updated her and she wasn’t listening, but you haven’t yet been effective.

You might say,

What if we set up a 15-minute check-in each week so I can give you exactly what you need? If we don’t have an important update, I’ll cancel it and send you a quick email.”

Nora may be anxious because she’s uncertain about outcomes. You might be “right” in telling her everything is under control, but you become “effective” when you present her with a contingency plan. This eases her anxieties and wins you a cooperative stakeholder.

You could approach Nora this way:

You’re raising some important concerns and I’ve thought about that too. Let me walk you through a few of our contingency plans. I want to ensure we’re addressing any of your big concerns.”

2. Pause to Breathe, Then Proceed

One particularly difficult aspect of stakeholder management is when your stakeholders get mean or cranky.

When you feel attacked, overlooked, slighted, ignored, devalued, or taken for granted it’s normal to be angry and ask “Why are they doing this to me?”

Take a moment to breathe and remind yourself that the other person’s actions aren’t about you. They’re trying to do the best they can with what they have. They didn’t wake up that morning thinking about how to make you angry.

If you need to take a few minutes to collect yourself, do it. You’re better off entering the conversation in a calm state of mind.

When emotions run high, clarity suffers. Take a moment to breathe, put emotions aside, and strategize calmly.

One stakeholder management superpower is knowing how to de-escalate a conversation. Here are a few powerful phrases that can help.

“I noticed that . . . What’s happening for you?”

One option is to observe what’s happening. When you calmly call attention to someone’s behavior and ask, “What’s happening for you?” it helps them take a breath and choose a different approach. For example, you might say, “I notice that you’re standing up and yelling. What’s going on for you right now?

“I appreciate you sharing that with me.”

This simple sentence works wonders in many stakeholder management scenarios. It works best when someone has shared a difficult perspective—something that they expect you won’t like. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing. Rather, you’re honoring their effort at communicating. It can also be a good way to take a pause in an ongoing conversation, so you have time to think about their perspective.

“How about a timeout?”

Sometimes you’ll need to call a timeout and give everyone time to calm down. Sometimes, when trust is very low, you might need to bring a third party or an advocate the other person trusts into the conversation to help moderate.

3. Engage with Empathy

Empathy is the most effective way to help you become more effective in your quest for stakeholder management.  Try to see the world from their perspective. When you can understand why they act the way they do, you are in a better position to come up with constructive solutions.

Perhaps Distracted Donna is juggling three major strategic initiatives that consume her attention. Or, Can’t Commit Carl lives in the mental world of opportunity and “What could be” and doesn’t feel tied down by arbitrary due dates. He also cares – a lot.

Maybe Over-Involved Ivan has seen this movie before and it ended with him in a cameo role as “The Micromanager Who Knew Too Much.”

If you’re not sure what the world looks like from their perspective, you can always ask. eg: “What is most important about this assignment? I want to make sure we nail it – can you help me understand how this fits into the big picture?”

A few of our GOAT (Greatest of All Time) Powerful Phrases from our new book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict, work well to express empathy and create a connection with your difficult stakeholder.

 “I care about _____ (you, this team, this project) and I’m confident we can find a solution that we can all work with.”

Of course, this one requires sincerity. If your past behavior makes this statement questionable, you’ll want to supplement this one with a sincere apology as you state your intent for your future relationship.

“Tell me more.”

Nothing builds a connection like being seen, and this Powerful Phrase gets there in just three words. This prompt helps move through surface conversation and symptoms to deeper meaning. When you invite the other person to continue, they’ll often help you understand what they really want to say, what matters most to them, and you’ll avoid misunderstandings.

“It sounds like you’re feeling _____ is that right? [pause for affirmation]. Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”

Checking in with the other person to validate their feelings can help deescalate a conflict at any point in the conversation.

4. Seek Self-Awareness

One vital secret to effective stakeholder management is that they’re not the only “difficult” person in the mix. From their perspective, you might be the difficult one. We’re all someone else’s knucklehead.

In Over-Involved Ivan’s eyes, you might be the one not paying enough attention to detail. Counteract this by showing him that you do care about the minutiae, but also explain how zooming out to see the big picture can be equally crucial.

You might tell Ivan,

“I value your perspective. Could we schedule a quick meeting to discuss how things are going?”

Or,

“I appreciate your attention to detail, Ivan. I see why this particular point is a concern for you. However, if we focus too much on this, we risk losing sight of other essential aspects.”

5.  Inform Intelligently

Different people need different information – differently. Remember, you want to be effective, not right. It does no good to send a monthly email when you know your key stakeholder receives information verbally and can give you a response quickly if you just walk down the hall or pick up your phone.

Do they need the full backstory or a quick summary of what happened and what you need? Do they want hourly updates or a weekly summary? Give people the information they need in the way they need it and your relationship will improve.

This is where many leaders get caught in the trap of being “right” but not effective. Just because you sent an email doesn’t mean you’ve communicated.

6. Plan Engagement

When you know that a key stakeholder is likely to engage too late, too often, or not at all, you can plan an intentional way to get their attention and input.

For someone like Linda. who you know will wait until the last minute to get involved, move the finish line. Specifically, seek her out and schedule a check-in before the final deadline.

You might ask Linda,

 “Can we talk for five minutes – you’ve got something valuable to offer here.”

Tell her how much you value her perspective, and that you would love her input. If she doesn’t have thoughts now, give her a deadline that still allows you to get it done.

Yes, it takes a little extra effort compared to the place where everyone else is contributing, but the alternative is that dreaded phone call the night before. Savvy leaders know their stakeholders and get them involved when it makes the most sense.

For Nervous Nora and Over-involved Ivan: Sometimes, cutting through the ambiguity is the best approach. A candid conversation about expectations and worries can often set the stage for smoother interactions ahead.

“What would a successful outcome do for you?”

A Recipe for Success

Effective stakeholder management isn’t just about avoiding pitfalls; it’s about proactively transforming challenges into opportunities for growth and influence.

The post Better Stakeholder Management: How to Turn Stress into Success appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

You didn’t mean to tick them off, but here you are. Your words backfiring like a faulty engine, and now a cloud of awkwardness fills the room. You know collaboration matters and you want to be a team player. So what went wrong?

5 Phrases to Avoid if You Want Better Collaboration on Your Team

Let’s talk about some of the most common phrases that sabotage collaboration, why they’re so annoying, and what to do instead.

1. Let’s Agree to Disagree

In the realm of collaboration, “Let’s Agree to Disagree” is basically your team’s attempt at taking a shortcut around a gnarly problem—except this shortcut leads straight into a brick wall painted like a tunnel à la Wile E. Coyote. You’re not solving anything. What you’re really saying is, “I value the absence of conflict more than I value arriving at a shared solution.”

Sure, it momentarily saves face, avoids immediate friction, and allows everyone to sidestep the awkwardness—but it also bookmarks that problem for a sequel. Now you’ve got an unresolved issue lurking in the background like an unopened email forever marked as ‘important’ but never read.

Instead of closing the door on discussion, why not keep it ajar for more ideas, refinements, and maybe—just maybe—finding a path to team unity that doesn’t involve mutual evasion tactics?

If you’re looking for some additional confidence and conversation starters see, Let’s Talk About It: How to Start the Conversation Everyone Wants to Avoid.

And a few of our Powerful Phrases G.O.A.T.s work great here too.  For example:

“I care about _____ (you, this team, this project) and I’m confident we can find a solution that we can all work with.” or “Let’s start with what we agree on.”

2. It’s Too Late to Change Course Now

This phrase acts like quicksand for team progress, promoting a fixed and inflexible approach that could stifle innovation and adaptability. By saying it’s too late to change course, the team shuts down opportunities to adapt to new circumstances or pivot based on fresh insights. It can trap the team in a “sunk cost fallacy,” escalating commitments to failing or suboptimal projects. The phrase discourages reevaluation and course correction, which are often necessary for fast-paced, ever-changing landscapes.

Curiosity powerful phrases work great here.

“I know we’ve already invested a lot here, and changing course would be rough. But I’m curious about what you’re thinking. Can you tell me more?”

See Also: How to Not Be Perceived as Negative at Work.

3. I’ve Done My Part, The Rest Is Up to You

This phrase sounds like a benign statement of task completion, but its impact is anything but. It subtly erodes the sense of collective ownership and accountability that are vital for effective teamwork. By declaring that one has “done their part,” it implies a disinterest in the project’s broader success and fosters a culture of siloed responsibilities. This can be detrimental to team morale and unity, as it signals a lack of engagement with the project’s overall objectives. Moreover, it inhibits cross-functional collaboration and skill-sharing, ultimately limiting the team’s versatility and adaptability.

Instead try, “What can I do to be helpful here?”

4. That’s a Terrible Idea

You’re not Simon Cowell judging amateur karaoke, and even if you were, every idea has some merit. In an era of disruptions and paradigm shifts, the ‘terrible’ idea you scoff at could well be the next big thing. Instead of shutting down your colleagues, respond with regard, with gratitude, information, and an invitation to continue contribution.

For more on responding well and getting more remarkable ideas, you might want to take a peek at Karin’s popular TEDx talk, The Secret to Getting Remarkable Ideas You Can Actually Use. 

5. We don’t have time for this

Of course, it might be true. You might not have time to talk about their idea or suggestion right now. And, if you want better collaboration, consider how you can keep the conversation on track while being respectful of what your teammates want to say.

Instead, you might try a few of these phrases for better collaboration.

“This is an important topic; let’s schedule a dedicated meeting to discuss it.”

“I understand this is a key issue. Can you summarize it in a few points, and then we’ll decide on the best time to dig deeper?”

“Let’s identify the most immediate priorities for today’s meeting, and make sure we allocate time for this in the near future.”

This one is a proactive approach that involves the team in prioritizing tasks, including the issue brought up, for future discussions.

In conclusion, the next time you find these phrases slipping off the tip of your tongue, pause. Replace them with phrases that promote an atmosphere of innovation, openness, and collaboration. It’s not just about keeping up with the buzzwords; it’s about fostering a culture where everyone’s a buzz-worthy contributor.

The post Stop Right There! 5 Phrases that Crush Collaboration and Tank Teamwork appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Commitment is vital to effective teamwork, collaboration, and results.

One of the most frustrating aspects of teamwork is the feeling of futility – of spinning your wheels. You connect with one another, establish clear success criteria, get curious, and build on one another’s suggestions, but nothing happens. Your conversation needs to produce action, or nothing changes. And if nothing changes, it’s worse than if you never had a conversation. Now you’ve wasted time, trust drips away, and people lose hope. The answer is to build shared agreements – commitments – that move you from words to action. In this final installment of our “Great Teamwork Series,” we share 12 collaboration habits to create commitment and build momentum with follow-through and results.

More in this excerpt from our interview on Brainwaves Anthology with Bob Greenberg.

Click here for more insights on creating commitment.

12 Habits Great Teams Consistently Do to Create Commitment and Build Collaboration

1. Ignite Action: Turn intentions into activities

Habit: I get things going—moving the conversation to create specific plans

When your team has tight conversations that lead to meaningful results, trust and morale improve along with the team’s capacity to make even more meaningful decisions. You can help your team avoid endless discussions, analysis paralysis, and chokepoints by moving conversations to intentions to specific actions.

Related Article: Help Your Team Do More-Stop (over) Talking and Start Doing

2. Say “No” for a Better Yes: Explain tradeoffs and gracefully decline opportunities that derail critical effort

Habit: I keep us focused on what matters most and empower a strategic “no.”

Related Article: How to Say No at Work: Powerful Phrases to Stand your Ground

It’s never easy to say no at work. After all, you want to be helpful, responsive, and a team player. And yet, every time you say “yes” to something or someone, you’re saying “no” to something or someone else. One way to help one another create commitment and say no effectively is to start with a “yes.” Do this is by affirming the request and the value the request might represent—that’s the “yes.” Then bridge to the context, consequences, and decisions—that’s the “no.”

3. Keep Things Organized: Provide structure the team needs to work efficiently

Habit: I make it easy to collaborate and integrate our work.

Can everyone find the information, tools, and data they need to do their work? If not, you’re wasting time interrupting each other asking for what you need or in frustrating fruitless searches. A little organization will help everyone work more efficiently. (Just avoid the temptation to over-organize. You’ll know this happens when you spend more time on the organization system than you do on your actual work.)

4. Create Ownership: Verify that every task has a specific person responsible for its completion

Habit: I ensure we conclude our meetings or conversations by clarifying responsibility.

When everyone’s responsible, no one is. Guarantee that any conversation requiring action ends with a specific person taking responsibility to follow through on an assignment. The project may require a team. But one person has ownership and responsibility to follow through.

5. Respect Confidentiality: Build trust with appropriate discretion and privacy

Habit: I protect sensitive information.

Related Article: Confidential Information – What to Say When You Can’t Say Anything

It can be tempting to share private information. It feels like a shortcut to building intimacy and connection. But every time you violate confidentiality, you tell the person you’re talking to that they can’t trust you with critical information. When you can’t share information, be honest about it. For example, “That’s not something I can talk about. It’s important that to me you can trust  that if we’re ever in a similar situation, I won’t talk about it then either.”

6. Schedule the Finish: Create shared appointments to meet, discuss, and conclude tasks

Habit: I confirm specific deliverables and timeframes for when we will follow up on our commitments.

You’ve got more to do than time to do it. Your plan is going to get interrupted, and your interruptions are going to get interrupted. If you don’t have an intentional, focused way to finish what you start, it won’t happen. Effective teams consistently achieve meaningful results and build a healthy culture–but they don’t leave it to chance or a heroic act of willpower. They create commitment by scheduling the finish with specific, shared appointments to follow through. These conversations consider competing priorities and adjust accordingly.

Related Article: High ROI Leadership: Schedule the Finish

7. Hold Others Accountable: Practice peer-to-peer check-ins and closure

Habit: When people don’t follow through, I follow up with them.

Look at the research about high-performing teams and one universal characteristic jumps out. In high-performing teams, accountability isn’t just the manager’s job—the team holds one another accountable (and their manager too). When you talk to high-performing teams, it’s easy to see that this team accountability doesn’t just happen. They work at it. Help your team succeed by following up and creating closure for commitments.

Related Article: Great Teams Hold One Another Accountable (You Can Too).

8. Honor Deadlines: Get work done on time and watch out for barriers

Habit: I take our commitments seriously, and proactively talk about obstacles that might derail our deliverables.

The distractions that creep up and disrupt our follow through feel like a surprise. But are they really? When you lift your gaze, look outward and ask “is there anything that could prevent us from making this commitment?” you can help your team anticipate and deal with these disruptions before they interfere with your focus.

9. Keep My Team on Track: Help your colleagues maintain focus and avoid distractions

Habit: I ensure our team meets our obligations together.

One of the most tempting distractions that can take you and your team off track is other meaningful work. That new shiny assignment may be great for your career – and so is delivering the results you’ve promised. You can help your team maintain focus and a manageable workload by suggesting “Let’s get this done before we take on that new project.”

Related Article: Get Your Team Back on Track: Leading Through Distractions

10. Do What I Say: Keep your commitments

Habit: I follow through and keep my word.

Can your team rely on you? Your reliability directly affects your team’s trust in you. Can they rely on one another? Often, when reliability breaks down, it’s not because people lack integrity, it’s because they said “yes” to something without fully thinking through what it would take to keep that commitment. You can increase your reliability by consistently scheduling the finish and discussing tradeoffs. (See #2 and #6 above.)

11. Speak with Candor: Give the gift of truth, spoken gracefully

Habit: I address difficult issues directly and in a timely manner.

Direct, honest communication helps everyone know where they stand and minimizes drama within your team. The earlier you address challenging situations, the easier they are to resolve.

12. Celebrate Success: Acknowledge wins in all their forms

Habit: I acknowledge wins, progress and learning.

You get more of what you encourage and celebrate, so take time to recognize all that you and your team have achieved together. You can do this in the middle of projects to energize one another for the road ahead. Pay attention to the different forms of “wins” – it’s not just successful completion. You can celebrate learning, progress, and improved capacity.

Related Articles: True Gratitude: More Than Pleasantries or Recognition and Leading Through Rapidly Changing Priorities

13. Your Turn: What habit would you add to create commitment and build shared agreements?

Note: This article is part four of our 4-part Better Teamwork Series. Find the other parts here:

1. Better Teamwork: 12 Practical Habits to Build Deeper Connection
2. Great Teams: 12 Practical Collaboration Habits to Create Clarity
3. Creative Teams: 12 Habits that Foster Curiosity and Collaboration

The post Create Commitment: 12 Habits to Build Agreement and Accountability appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

Navigating the Hybrid Work Environment: A Leadership Journey

[00:00] The Essence of Inclusive Policy-Making
It’s essential that the policy-making team steps out of isolation. Engaging a diverse range of voices ensures that policies resonate with everyone, reinforcing the importance of consistency and mitigating legal risks.

[01:29] The Balance of Home and Office
Felice and Julie, experts in navigating hybrid workplaces, share their experiences of the delicate dance between home and office commitments, highlighting the hybrid work environment’s flexibility.

[03:28] Leadership Lessons from Unexpected Places
Reflecting on past leadership roles, Julie and Felice draw parallels with today’s hybrid work environment, emphasizing the value of face-to-face interactions for fostering team spirit and learning.

[06:50] Defining Hybrid Work
The hybrid work environment is a flexible arrangement where employees may have varied in-office schedules. Leaders face the challenge of managing teams that are sometimes remote, sometimes on-site, highlighting the need for intentional engagement strategies.

[14:00] Crafting Intentional Hybrid Policies
Creating an effective hybrid work policy requires considering the ‘why’ behind in-office requirements. It’s about quality interactions over quantity, ensuring that employees’ time in the office is meaningful and productive.

[17:22] The Importance of Intentionality in Hybrid Work
In a hybrid work environment, intentionality means understanding the value of in-office collaboration. Leaders must convey the ‘why’ behind physical presence to maintain a fair and inclusive workplace.

[24:00] Cultivating Connections in a Hybrid Setting
Fostering connections in a hybrid work environment involves intentional pre-meeting interactions and structured social opportunities. These create the interpersonal glue that strengthens team cohesion.

[33:25] Training Leaders for Hybrid Challenges
Training leaders to recognize and combat bias is crucial. This ensures fair treatment across different working arrangements and generational preferences, fostering inclusivity.

[37:51] Managing Stress and Boundaries in Hybrid Work
Balancing work and personal life in a hybrid setting requires clear boundaries. Leaders and employees must collaborate to establish communication norms that protect mental health and support productivity.

[42:13] Harnessing Intentional Transitions and Boundaries
Intentional transitions between work and personal life are vital in a hybrid work environment. Leaders must guide employees to set boundaries that promote mental well-being and prevent burnout.

As we navigate the complexities of hybrid work environments, these insights remind us that intentionality, inclusivity, and connection are the cornerstones of successful leadership.

Thank You To Our Guests –

Connect with Felice Eckelman and Julie Cantor or order their book.

If you’d like more specific, practical phrases and approaches for common sources of workplace conflict, check out our newest book: Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict—What to say next to de-stress the workplace, build collaboration, and calm difficult customers.

The post Optimize Leadership Potential While Navigating the Complexities of a Hybrid Work Environment appeared first on Let's Grow Leaders.

When you think of talking with people at work who have different political beliefs, your first response might be like that of many people we’ve encountered as we wrote Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict: “Yeah, no. I’m just not going there. Better to play it safe than say something wrong.” After all, who wants more political conflict at work?

We get it. In a post-pandemic world where social and traditional media contribute to polarization, workplace conflict that stems from differing politics, worldviews, and values can feel scary and overwhelming.

How did THAT Get Political?

You can hear the tension in the voice of many managers and leaders who call to ask for advice. “We’ve got a presidential election coming up and I’m worried about the polarization and potential political conflict. Do you have any advice?”

It’s easy to understand their concern. Just this past week, we saw a range of seemingly “normal” online conversations turn political (with people explicitly assuming, labeling, and insulting one another’s political affiliation).

What were these juicy conversation topics, you ask?

• Taylor Swift
• Workplace performance reviews
• Cheering on a sports team that’s not your usual team
• Whether hens lay eggs with or without the presence of a rooster (No joke! This truly degenerated into political party name-calling).

Wow.

If an egg-laying conversation can turn into ugly political conflict, what are we to do with more serious subjects that might come up at work like global warming, regulatory change, health and wellness of customers and employees, international wars, human rights, and so much more?

Political Conflict at Work by the Numbers

In our World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey of 5,000+ people in 45+ countries surveyed and all 50 US states, 70% of respondents to the survey say that in the last couple years, they’ve experienced the same or more frequent conflict in the workplace.

And of those, 9% cite political conflict as a top contributing factor. 20% cite less tolerance or understanding for others as a top contributing factor of workplace conflict (which speaks to polarization). And there’s more data that suggests the rate of political conflict at work will only increase.

But even (or especially) in these moments, there are practical tools and Powerful Phrases that can help you navigate, communicate, and collaborate.

Turn Down the Heat on Political Conflict at Work

Let’s begin with a few foundational mindsets that will help calm political conflict at work.

Different perspectives aren’t always “toxic.”

“Toxic” is one of those words that have had runaway success on social media because it’s easy to label something as toxic and then ignore or “cancel” the person. (And this behavior isn’t confined to one group or another.) The problem is that when we automatically reject or ignore anyone with a significantly different approach to life, we eliminate any chance that we’ll learn from one another.

Realistically, in any organization, you’re going to have different perspectives. Hopefully, your organization has a set of common values, approach to the work, and how you support your customers and one another. These shared values and approaches give you an important way to work through different worldviews.

That other person is a human being.

Keeping one another’s humanity in mind helps us stay in a place of curiosity and compassion. That person with their incomprehensible position is an imperfect person, possibly worried or scared, and doing the best they can. Just like you.

This mindset helps you stay connected and curious. Think about the pandemic. One person was scared and worried because of the illness. While another person was scared and worried because of curtailed personal freedoms. Both were very human in their fear and worry.

You aren’t there to change their mind.

Your self-evident beliefs are just as self-evidently wrong to someone else. Trying to force someone to abandon their beliefs doesn’t work. Political views are often part of a person’s identity and that doesn’t change quickly.

You probably wouldn’t appreciate it if someone at work spent all day trying to convince you that you’re wrong-headed and mistaken for voting the way you do. And neither do they.

8 Approaches for Dealing with Political Conflict at Work

These are actions, mindsets, and specific powerful phrases you can use before and during the conversation.

1) You don’t have to discuss politics at work.

“I don’t discuss politics and work.”

“I prefer to focus my conversations on our work together and how we’re serving our clients, constituents, or customers.”

These are straightforward statements that stand on their own.

2) Focus on learning.

“My intent for this conversation is… so that…”

If you do choose to engage in conversation that could lead to political conflict at work, you can minimize potential conflict by showing up with curiosity – and stating that from the start. Again, you’re not there to change someone’s mind.

Focus on asking genuine questions that help you understand how they came to their conclusions. You might even find something you share – a commitment to your children, for example.

For example, “My intent for our conversation is to learn more about where you’re coming from with your support for those regulations so that I can understand why they’re important.”

When you start a conversation with your honest intent, it opens a door. The other person can choose whether they want to walk through that door and get the available benefit. That honest intent also makes it clear from the beginning that you’re not trying to change their mind or take away a closely held value.

3) Show up with confidence and humility.

“I’ve noticed that we have different perspectives . . . and would love to learn more.”

This one “lands in the and”: confidently observing the differences with the humility to adopt a posture of learning. Approaching different world views with curiosity lessens the “fight or flight” reflexes people experience when confronted with something strange. When you ask to learn more, you don’t promise to change your mind. Rather, you are seeing them and giving yourself a chance for deeper appreciation.  “Tell me more,” is one of our G.O.A.T. Powerful Phrases in our new book.

4) Don’t assume.

“Have you asked?”

In our podcast interview of Dr. Ella Washington, author of The Necessary Journey, she shared a wonderful story about questioning one’s assumptions.

We all have bias and stereotypes. We all make assumptions. But what if we take these micro-moments every single day and question some of our own assumptions?

Fawn Weaver, the founder and CEO of Uncle Nearest Premium Whiskey, shared one of her favorite examples with me. Her husband’s family moved to Nashville from California and their next-door neighbor was a white man. He had a big truck, long beard, and tattoos. Her mother-in-law told Weaver that the man seemed like somebody who didn’t like Black people. Weaver was curious and said, “Have you asked him?”

She went next door and talked to the guy. He was very open, friendly, and was listening to some of her favorite R&B songs. That’s so inspiring.

Question the things that we’ve always thought to be true and take a chance. Have that conversation. Befriend that person and reach out. That’s where the magic happens.

5) Keep political conversations off message threads.

“Chat and message threads are best suited to low-bandwidth conversations where there are quick transactions and not much emotion. Let’s keep the important topics and decisions in our voice-to-voice or face-to-face conversations.”

Comments and chats are horrible ways to engage in political conversations. (For proof, look at almost any comment thread on the internet – including those conversations about chickens and eggs.)

6) Share your perspective.

“So, what you’re saying is . . . Do I have that right? That’s interesting. And I see it differently.”

As you listen and learn where another person comes from, first check for understanding. For example, “I hear you saying you’re concerned about your children’s future and growing up in a world where they can’t go outside without getting sick. Do I have that right?”

Then you can share your perspective—not intending to change their mind, but to contribute equally, and confidently, to the conversation.

For example, “I see what you’re saying. I’m worried about my kids’ future too. My concern is that we won’t have any work available for them because it’s gone to other countries that don’t have the same values we do.”

7) Stand up to political bullies.

“We have a variety of beliefs and need different perspectives to do our best work.”

We define political bullies as people who loudly proclaim their beliefs and belittle anyone who doesn’t agree with them. This is the person who brashly proclaims, “[Candidate] is an idiot and anyone who votes for them should have their head examined.” (A direct quote from a leader in one of our prior workplaces.)

This kind of proclamation, especially from people in leadership roles, shuts down dialog, and damages trust and psychological safety. If you have a relationship with the person who made the statement, you can address it directly.

For example, “Listen, I know it might not be your intent, but saying things like that shuts down the innovation, creativity, and exchange of ideas we need. We need a variety of perspectives to do our best work and make good decisions. Saying anyone who disagrees with you should “have their head examined” does the exact opposite. And, frankly, it’s arrogant and rude.”

If you don’t have the relationship to say that, talk with your human resources professional.

8) Acknowledge differences and commit to your work together.

“I don’t expect either of us to change our mind about… Can we agree to…?”

When you experience political conflict at work, you may need to create a shared agreement to help you move past the differences and focus on your work. Start by acknowledging that you both have strongly held perspectives, and it’s not about changing those. Then move to an agreement about how you’ll work together. Respecting one another’s right to hold the values you do and then work together toward a shared purpose is a powerful recipe for workplace collaboration. And you may even influence one another’s perspectives—at least a little.

Your Turn

One of the most challenging parts of being human is that our beliefs seem so “right” to us. Everything makes sense. And it feels frustrating when other people can be so (dumb, stubborn, naïve) to see it differently.

The funny thing is that when you feel that way, the other person usually does, too.

But when you can approach these differences with connection and curiosity – the awareness that there’s always more out there to know – you create the possibility of true collaboration.

See Also: Beyond the Drama: How to De-escalate and Emotional Conversation at Work.

We’d love to hear from you: what’s one of your favorite phrases to have productive conversations at work–especially the ones that could lead to political conflict?

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If you feel invisible at work you’re in good company. Recent research by Work Human found that nearly 30% of workers have felt invisible at work and 27% have felt ignored.

Their research also identified certain “invisible skills” going unnoticed in the workplace. Ironically, the ignored skills are some of the most necessary for productive conflict in the workplace: empathy and compassion (27.4%), a sense of curiosity, (19.8%), and listening skills/emotional intelligence (15.4%).

I (David) had one of these invisibility experiences early in my career. I sat in a committee meeting drawing up a job description for a new senior management role. We finished the description, and the committee chair thanked us for our input. Then she said that they’d start looking for candidates the following week.

The job was interesting to me, and I immediately wondered “Why they hadn’t asked me to do it?” I sat there frustrated as the meeting concluded. And that might have been the end of the story, except for some sugar.

During college, my friends and I went to a diner whose sugar packets featured bits of rhymed wisdom. My packet had these words printed on it:

He who has a thing to sell

And goes and whispers in a well

Is not so apt to get the dollar

As he who climbs a tree and hollers.

Silly, right? But those words stuck in my head. Sitting in that committee meeting feeling overlooked, the rhyme came lilting back to mind. Challenging me to speak up for myself. I raised my hand and said, “I’m interested in this job.”

The committee chair thought about it and smiled. “You’d be a great candidate.”

I got the job. This was a powerful lesson that when you feel overlooked, you must start by seeing yourself.

Powerful Phrases to Ask Yourself If You Feel Invisible

What should you do when you feel like you’re wearing an invisibility cloak at work? Start by identifying when, where, and with whom you yearn for people to see you, and notice when that is, and isn’t happening. Are there consistent patterns that could show unconscious bias or discrimination? (If you suspect bias or discrimination, please contact HR, you need more than a Powerful Phrase, you need support.)

Here are a few questions to spark your thinking.

“What do people not see that I wish they would? For what do I want to be known?”

Get specific to help you determine your approach. Do you wish people would see how hard you work? Then you’re going to need to find some opportunities to showcase your work and your accomplishments. Or maybe you long to have your ideas taken more seriously. In that case, you might need to change the way you’re presenting your ideas. 

Another way to think about this is by completing this sentence. I wish people would know how much I __________. That’s an important first step in remedying the situation.

When you feel unseen, it might feel like it’s with everywhere and everyone. This is worth some reflection. Do you feel invisible in certain meetings or with certain people? If you feel invisible to your manager, be sure you read How to Get Your Boss to Recognize and Appreciate Your Genius.

“Is this a place where employee voice matters?”

Sadly, in our Courageous Cultures research, we found some people in positions of power (we won’t call them leaders) who were happy to treat their employees like bots. They say things like, “I don’t really want them to think. Just teach them the script.” If you’ve done all you can to be seen and share your ideas, and your boss just doesn’t care, it might be time to find a new one.

Powerful Phrases to Share How You Feel or Ask for What You Need

Let’s give you some words you can use to get the attention you need and deserve.

“I’d love to set up some time to talk to you about ___ how’s Wednesday at 3?”

The best way to feel less invisible is to shine a light on the good work you’re doing. Ask for time to talk about what matters to you, to the people who should be listening.

“Sometimes, I feel isolated in my role. I’d love to explore ways to be included in discussions about ________.”

If you want people to know how you’re feeling, tell them, and ask for exactly what you need.

“Working remotely can feel lonely. Could we talk about ways we can connect more as a team?”

If you feel isolated and alone, it’s likely you’re not the only one. You don’t need to wait for your manager to bring this up.

“Would you like to grab a (real or virtual) coffee?”

If you feel isolated, invest in making some friends. Getting to know your coworkers at a personal level can go a long way in making work interesting and fun, not to mention building a network of resources you can reach out to for help.

Powerful Phrases to Get Your Voice in the Conversation

And now a few conversation starters to break through the silence.

“I have an idea that will ______ (insert strategic benefit statement here).”

One mistake that can cause your ideas to be overlooked is a pre-apology. For example, “This is probably a bad idea.” Or, “I’m not an expert here, but…” If you want your idea to be heard, share your idea with confidence and why it matters.

“Before we leave this conversation, I have something important to add.”

This Powerful Phrase can help when you work with a group of extroverts who talk fast and hurry to the next topic. Or, if you work remotely as part of a hybrid team and feel invisible to the people in the room with one another.

When you feel invisible, dig deeper to understand where, when, and with whom you want to be seen and ask for what you need.

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When people are fired up, angry, and defensive, it’s tough to have a productive conversation. One reason it’s so tricky to de-escalate an emotional conversation is that when these emotions kick in, they’re contagious. One person gets defensive, and the other person responds in kind. “Why are you getting angry? Can’t you see how right I am? What’s wrong with you?”

This cycle escalates until someone storms off, slams a door, turns off their camera, or commits one of those “career-limiting activities,” like saying something they regret or heating fish in the breakroom microwave. (Followed closely by burning microwave popcorn. Never use the microwave in anger–especially if you work at home.)

Nothing resolves. Frustrations and resentments build up and poison the work. But, if you can learn how to de-escalate these emotional conversations, you’ll give yourself and your coworkers the gift of a path forward.

Powerful Phrases to De-escalate and Emotional Conversation

“Take a breath and let it go, talk to her about it later on. It’s not worth the drama.” -Female, Australia, 33
The World Workplace Conflict and Collaboration Survey 

De-escalation starts with understanding why people get so upset. Most of the time, it comes down to basic emotions: people feel disrespected or threatened. Now, you might wonder how your conversation about getting that data to you on time turned into disrespect or threat, but it happens all the time.

People feel disrespected when they think you haven’t heard them, dismissed and devalued their perspective, or that you don’t care about their point of view. People feel threatened when they perceive a loss of control or negative consequences (like not getting a promotion or losing their job).

You can de-escalate when someone is feeling disrespected or threatened by restoring safety and trust. Use the following Powerful Phrases to re-establish respect and make sure the other person feels heard.

“I noticed that… what’s happening for you?”

One option is to observe what’s happening. When you calmly call attention to someone’s behavior and ask, “What’s happening for you?” it helps them take a breath and choose a different approach. For example, you might say, “I notice that you’re standing up and yelling. What’s going on for you right now?”

“You’re right…”

Another powerful way to de-escalate is to agree with the person. This is most helpful when someone feels disrespected. If they say something like “That’s not what’s happening. You don’t understand!” You can respond calmly, with “You’re right. I don’t understand. Can you walk me through what happened so I can understand?”

“Please correct me where I’m wrong. Here’s what I’m hearing so far.”

This is a variation of GOAT #11, the Check for Understanding. 

A note on GOATs: Goats are our “Greatest of All Time” Powerful Phrases in our new book: Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Workplace Conflict (the book has over 300 phrases, the GOATs are the top twelve).

When someone says “You’re not listening to me!” you can use this advanced version of the GOAT.

When you say “Please correct me where I’m wrong…” you show humility.

This Powerful Phrase helps the other person know that you really are interested in what they have to say. Once you’ve summarized, give them a chance to correct your understanding, and then summarize again. You don’t have to agree with their interpretation or feelings. You’re acknowledging what they think and feel. Unless the other person has serious conflict management skills, you won’t have a meaningful conversation until they feel heard.

“I appreciate you sharing that with me.”

This Powerful Phrase works best when someone has shared a difficult perspective—something that they expect you won’t like. You’re not agreeing or disagreeing. Rather, you’re honoring their effort at communicating. It can also be a good way to pause an ongoing conversation, so you have time to think about their perspective.

“How about a timeout?”

Sometimes you’ll need to call a timeout and give everyone time to calm down. Sometimes, when trust is very low, you might need to bring a third party or an advocate the other person trusts into the conversation to help moderate. A pause is a powerful way to de-escalate an emotional conversation.

“I apologize.”

When you’ve genuinely made a mistake, hurt someone, or broken your word, nothing helps more than a genuine apology. Being vulnerable and strong enough to take responsibility when you’ve screwed up is a straightforward way to de-escalate an emotional conversation. (Only apologize when it’s warranted. Pre-apologies or saying “I’m sorry” when you’ve done nothing wrong undermine people’s respect for you.)

Of course, your body language and tone of voice are vital when working to de-escalate an emotional conversation. It’s hard for the other person to stay escalated and angry when you come from a genuinely calm and collaborative place.

See Also: How to Deal With a Moody Boss: Even a Dropper of F-Bombs

What Do I Do if They Cry?

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If you want your team to feel more courageous, remind them of times they’ve been courageous before. This team-building activity gives your team a chance to reflect on their micro-moments of courage. And, to share these moments with one another as they build trust and connection.

This conversation is incredibly powerful for two reasons. First, we know from Dr. Amy Edmondson’s research on psychological safety, that how we think about the past matters. People are more likely to hold onto a negative experience with speaking up or taking a risk, than a positive one. This activity reminds your team of the times they WERE BRAVE and how it made them feel. And second, by sharing strategic stories, your team will build trust and connection.

A Powerful (and Easy Team Building Activity to Encourage Courage)

If you’ve read our book, Courageous Cultures, you know it comes with a downloadable Executive Strategy Guide.

You can download the FREE Executive Strategy Guide, which includes all the Courageous Cultures “First Tracks” activities here. 

A Step By Step Guide To Facilitate The Courage Mapping Activity and Discussion

This team-building activity is an adaptation of the Courage Map activity associated with the first step of building a Courageous Culture: Navigating the Narrative.

Objectives for the Courage Mapping Team-Building Activity

• Encourage individual reflection on personal acts of courage.
• Foster open communication and mutual respect within the team.
• Identify and reinforce shared values and lessons that contribute to a Courageous Culture.

Materials Needed

• Whiteboard or large paper for collective notes.
• Markers or pens.
• Printed worksheets for Courage Mapping (found in the Executive Strategy Guide).

Part 1: Individual Courage Mapping

This team-building activity starts with self-reflection.

Duration: 30 minutes

Instruction: Ask each team member to create a timeline of their career. Have them highlight at least three moments where they acted courageously. Then, invite them to reflect on the following questions:

• What motivated me to be courageous in this circumstance?
• What did I expect to happen?
• And, what happened as a result?
• How do I feel about this incident?
• What values did it reveal as important to me?
• As a leader today, where would it be helpful to show up more like this or with these values?

Part 2: Group Reflection and Sharing

The real magic of the team-building activity is in the sharing. Give your team a chance to share their moments of courage. Cull out common experiences. Look for themes.

Duration: About an hour (depending on the size of your team)

• Setting the Stage: Create a safe and respectful environment for sharing personal stories.
• Sharing: Each member shares one significant act of courage from their timeline.
• Discussion: Facilitate a group discussion on each story, focusing on motivations, outcomes, and values (e.g. what… do you notice about yourself? Makes you proud? Did you learn?)

Part 3: Identifying Collective Themes

You can collect themes as you go along. Another best practice, summarize the themes of this team-building activity at the end.

Duration: 30 minutes

• Collaborative Analysis: Guide the team in identifying common themes and values emerging from the shared stories.
• Whiteboard Summary: Use the whiteboard to note down these themes and values.

Facilitator Tips

• Encourage honesty and openness but also respect boundaries.
• Ensure every team member has an equal opportunity to share and contribute.
• Be attentive and responsive to the emotional dynamics in the room.
• Use active listening and summarizing skills to clarify and validate shared experiences.
• Be prepared to handle sensitive topics with care and confidentiality.

More Courageous Cultures Team-Building Activities and Tools

In the following article we share links to more Courageous Cultures activities and tools and a link to watch our “How to Read Courageous Cultures With Your Team” recorded online event:

Leadership Book Club: How to Read Courageous Cultures With Your Team

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In our Courageous Cultures research, 67% said their manager operates around the notion of “this is the way we’ve always done it.” That’s not just a lack of imagination. It’s hard to solve a problem differently when you’re holding on to outdated assumptions. If you want your team to get better at strategic thinking, start by helping them challenge assumptions.

Here are seven of our favorite questions to help your team reframe problems and consider alternative perspectives

7 Questions For More Strategic Thinking

1. How would our competitors approach this problem?

This assumption-buster nudges your team to consider overlooked opportunities. Understanding a competitor’s angle can be incredibly insightful, sparking creativity and perhaps, a bit of that winning spirit.

This is one of our favorite questions to ignite strategic thinking because it’s not only an “I wonder” question. Because guess what? Your competitors probably ARE faced with a similar problem. And these days, it’s not that hard to poke around and see what they’re doing.

This question also promotes strategic thinking, as you consider why your competitors might approach problems differently.

In Courageous Cultures terminology, this is a great question to ask as part of the Y- in Own the U.G.L.Y. Where are we missing the Yes?

2. How would we handle this issue if our budget was cut in half?

This provocative question is a call for efficiency and prioritization. This question encourages your team to think lean and imagine scrappy, cost-effective solutions. Sometimes, a little budgetary pressure can hatch the most brilliant ideas.

3. If we had unlimited resources, how would we solve this problem?

This strategic thinking question is the flip side of the one above. When constraints are lifted, the sky’s the limit for creativity. It allows the team to think without barriers and then work backward, scaling grand visions to match our resource constraints.

4. What would happen if we did the opposite of our initial plan?

This question invites the team to view the problem from an entirely different angle, potentially revealing unexpected solutions. It’s about challenging the norm and the beauty of 180-degree thinking.

Encourage your team to think past the sunk costs and consider a do-over. This kind of strategic thinking is remarkably liberating. A related question is “What if we DIDN’T do it this way?”

5. What would future generations criticize about our current approach?

This assumption buster instills a sense of legacy and responsibility. It encourages your team to think beyond the immediate and into the long-term impact of their decisions. It’s about making decisions that our successors will thank us for.

This is a great way to expand your team’s thinking to more sustainable, inclusive solutions.

6. If we could only choose one aspect of our project to succeed, what should it be and why?

This is a great way to get your team thinking about the MITs (most important things). Identifying the core element that defines the success of the entire project can help the team focus on what truly matters. It’s like finding the keystone in an arch; without it, everything else crumbles.

A related question, “Which elements of this project should we say “no” to? Note: We have an entire chapter in our upcoming book, Powerful Phrases for Dealing With Workplace Conflict about how to say no, for a more strategic yes.

7. What would we do differently if we were to start over with the knowledge we have now?

This is a look down the mountain question. Help your team reflect on the journey. This strategic thinking question is a recognition that wisdom today results from yesterday’s lessons.

When you’re working hard and moving fast, it’s not always easy to take a step back and challenge assumptions. When you’re feeling stuck in a rut, or results are suffering, invite your team to show up more curious and with these strategic questions.

What would you add for #8? What’s your favorite question to foster strategic thinking?

See Also: Year in Review: 7 Questions to Help Your Team Reflect on Success and Key Learnings

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